I'm really fed up, It's been several days since I think seriously about the 'Suicide' and I cannot find a way out.. this is the only solution. All my old problems that have been resolved are just like resurfacing and I can't take of this anymore ... that I thought it was over but the pain is just following me since my youth, Everyday i woke up with the same feeling sh*t, In my head, it's always a 'cloudy' & 'cold'. Everyone asking me @ job 'Hey joe ? What's up yo look at you man you look ugly, ooooh it was a joke man ! ..' But do they realize what is happening or they're simply making fun of me ? Too many thing happened in my life, -My dad was schizophrenic when im say 'schizo' i mean with his devil voice in his head. -These hard time where ive been beat up by my dad when my mom wasn't at home around (5-6 yrs old.) -I've been left by my own so i had to survive by my own when i was 13.. -I've been pretty shy my whole life, I wasn't able to express myself. -Then i lost a friend by suicide & my relationship with my girlfriend is over. So what can i say ? ; .... I dunno ... i think ... i am the reason of why i feel suicidal.... None of my friend are online on MSN or they're not at home, What can i do ? My mother kicked me out of the house since my 16, and i don't have a contact with her anymore, man this shit get me depress for real. If nobodys around tonight to talk with, Tonight will be the last night of my life, you can be sure of that.