Amazing myself

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Blue bell, May 9, 2009.

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  1. Blue bell

    Blue bell Active Member

    how come, i can come here and try to give support when my world is falling around me?

    how come i log on here and want to try and help others when for me i know the is no hope , but yet i want others to have what i know is none existant for me.????

    how come i dont want others to hurt and take their life, when all i can think about is how i can hurt me more, and death is my only answer????

    how come i can try and block out all my fears and pain in my life but when i give into sleep, the monsters attack?????

    i never fail to amaze myself as to how i can make people think i am ok ... i joined this site because i feel i have to leave and was wanting to know more about death.....

    i came and did what i do best... tried to help and pretend that i am not hurting, but that others are...

    some may say you fool... and i wouldnt disagree, but inside i would say, stop trying to hide, just get on a do what you know is best for all.

    How can i care for others truley., if i dont care if i die now?

    the truth is i dont want others to feel like me.

    and i feel like i cant take anymore pain.

    so lets join a toast to celerbrate, the fool has seen the light and will no longer fool herself into thinking there is a point.

    i dont even want to post this, because inside i feel unworthy or anyones time to read it...

    here goes just press the button and go...............
  2. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    It's strange the way we can hand out kind words to others but can't apply them to ourselves. You are not alone in this, I have felt unworthy, useless, a waste of space.
    I say felt and you are feeling this way now, but feeling is different to being!
    Do you want to die or do you want the feelings and thoughts to go away and you think death is the only option?

    Hazel xx
  3. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Sometimes by helping others it makes us forget our own problems for a little while.

    It's not always healthy though, you are just as deserving of love & support as anyone on here & indeed in real life.

    I can relate a lot to your post :hug:. Please don't give up honey, take the time to get to know us & let us support you as best we can.

    Take care :hug: xx
  4. Blue bell

    Blue bell Active Member

    your reply made me smile.. i use to ask the same thing, i was a samaritain for 8 years and use to ask the callers the same question.

    If i am totally honest with you. i know its a matter of time. i know i am searching for what works and what doesnt. i look at my kids and cry because i honestly dont know if i
    will see them again. my plans and letters and everything that needs to be sorted is now sorted.

    so the answer is death.

    i dont want a rest, because i will still have to live in my head. so yes, i think i know the answer
  5. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you talked to anyone about how you are feeling?
  6. Blue bell

    Blue bell Active Member

    this is the most honest i have got.

    this is the only place i have had the courage to say,

    i want to say sorry now because its such a shit thing for me to be saying.

    thanks Hazel for yr support and many thanks to claire to
  7. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    You have nothing to be sorry for, I think it might help if you were able to talk to someone here.
    If you don't want to post in the forums, you can always pm me or someone else, my pm box is always open.

    Hazel xx
  8. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Like Hazel said you don't need to apologise :console:.

    I know it's hard to open up, makes the pain all the more 'real' instead of it being in your head, if you know what I mean? Sometimes it helps to talk, to write, just to get things off your chest.

    :hug: xx
  9. DiscoverPeaceOfMind

    DiscoverPeaceOfMind Active Member

    True courage is defying common opinion, which you have done. So congratulate yourself for having the courage to speak up, and the courage to support others. Your caring makes a lot of difference to people in distress.

    Put your left hand on your right shoulder. And,put your right hand on your left shoulder. That's a hug from all the people you help.

    People who care are hard to find. Continue to help and care, the world needs more like you.
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