ambushed

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Oct 8, 2014.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Ambushed at work - e-mail said meeting with my manager - was my manager, his manager, and HR

    Been trying harder since meeting in July but apparently not doing enough

    I'm now on open-ended performance review - wouldn't tell what I was doing wrong but gave me a list things that are expected - long list - if I miss just one they have reserved the right to fire me

    Since then i've been trying to convince myself that my life isn't over but I know better

    There are no other jobs out there for me - looked on multiple sources in multiple states - location didn't matter because i won't be able to keep the house anyway

    Failing at work, at home, at life

    Nobody wants me, nobody really wants to help me at work

    Insurance will leave enough to move to smaller house and pay for basics for 20 years - at least I can do that much in the end

    No one will care for more than 5 minutes
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm so sorry that you feel that way. Don't let people get you down as your are important. Also there is a lot of people care for you here and it's not a matter of five minutes. You are important and remember that. You deserve support and please keep posting here.
     
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Please don't lie to me - tired of the lies

    I have nowhere left to turn
     
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    trying - god i'm trying but spending the day terrified

    every question asked i wonder if i'm being set up

    will this be the last day here - office, earth - no difference

    so scared i stop breathing and start sweating

    i just want peace - god i just want a little peace
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I don't have any answers but just wanted to say to keep venting if it helps, and I hope that somehow things can improve.
     
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    I'm lost - I need help

    I can't find a reason to keep this up - to keep going

    No reason strong enough to stay

    Can't get song out of my head "six feet from the edge and i'm thinking maybe six feet ain't so far down

    Most days for years i've been asking god to let me die - stupid but it was leaving the choice up to someone else that I pretended to believe in

    But it's so much stronger now - not sure i'll be able to keep waiting
     
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Incrisis isn't lying to you; there ARE people who care about you here, and not the type of caring where you'd be forgotten in 5 minutes. I know you've been hurt, and that's caused you to put up walls, to not reach out or connect. But for us to help you, you have to take a chance and let someone in...
     
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Can't

    Don't want risk hurting anyone in any way

    Except me

    It's all gone wrong - my home, my job, my life

    Can't breathe without shaking

    Not knowing makes it worse - not knowing when i'll be fired, when my heart will finally stop
     
  9. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Nothing is gone based on a meeting with HR - in fact nothing is gone even if they fire you except a job that you have said for years that you hate. The only way everything is gone and you lose everything is if you decide killing yourself is the answer and then yes, you will lose your family, you home, and everything, and unless you have a million dollar plus insurance which you do not have there is no possibility that it will make up even for 20 years of income you claimed in original post, much less all the other things that are so much more important to your kids.

    While we have no control of many things that happen to us, we certainly can control how we react to those things and this is a perfect example- you can choose to spend your day focused on killing yourself and how much easier it would be or you can choose to spend your day either working carefully and if they are unreasonable then looking for a new source of income/job which will not be needed for some time even if fired because there will still be unemployment and other safety nets to help in the short term.

    The only lying going on here is the depression lying to you to make you think that this is a reasonable solution that will solve problems instead of the reality that while the problems may not bother you because you wont be here they will make everything else in the world much worse for everybody that you care about (and that is why you say losing the job is such an issue- it will cost you the things you love or that are important if you lose it-- if you die you also lose the job only no hope of ever getting a new one).
     
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    an ending always makes way for a new beginning always if you allow to A person with your work experiance will have more going for you then someone just starting out Have faith in yourself ok even if others don't You have to have that faith in you so others can see it.
     
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