America is a depressing country

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by OutCaste, Dec 13, 2008.

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  1. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    Hi, I'm astudent from india currently attending graduate school in America and ever since I came here, I've become a mental wreck. I have become too violent, depressed, confused, lonely etc and I can't focus on my studies. Topped the class during first term of the semester, but failed miserably in the second in almost every subject. The Indian students in the University hate me the most because I'm from a different ethnic background (in India) whereas they are all of the same background. I live with my sister and she even physically abuses me. I find it strange because I'm an adult and yet she hits me in the most vicious manner you can imagine. She threatens me to leave her house all the time. How can one focus on studies when you are being threatened or abused all the time ? Don't know where i will go because renting a studio here is no joke (1 $ = 50 INR). I lost 20 pounds within 2 months of my arrival. I'm not trying to offend Americans out there but there are any international students out there, they will understand. I have a 5 year visa and after 2 years in grad school, I need to get an intern somewhere for next 3 years to pay off the overwhelming debt. I think I'm inching closer to committing suicide. On two occasions, I tied the noose but got scared thinking what American authorities would do (if i survived) to me and its impact on my parents.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 13, 2008
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Outcaste..

    ...suicide methods are not allowed to be discussed.

    Was depression the reason for your rapid weight loss? Have you seen a doctor? What do you think is causing you to be violent? Sorry for asking so many questions..its just your post didn't give much information about your situation. :hug:
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    America is a pretty depressing country, but at least they are getting a new president in January. I guess that's something to look forward too? You might have liked it better here in Canada Outcaste. We're a more accepting country of international students than our neighbors to the south. :hug:
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I think that some of the things you are experiencing and blaming on the country may have happened elsewhere as well. Your sisters abuse of you and the way other Indian students of a different ethnic background than you cannot be blamed on the country . I know that there is turmoil between the different ethnic groups in India as much as they are here I am sorry you have had these experiences. I would not wish them on anyone. If possible try to remove yourself from the situation. Is your sister here on a visa as well? Search for answers beyond where you live.
  5. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    America is a shit hole, I wish I moved out of this shit hole after the retard (Bush) was re-appointed in 04, now I am stuck here, I dont know what I am going to do
  6. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Countries that supports freedom / western countries are different from ethnic countries

    Ethnic countries, they hate people who are not the same as them - the majority, and expected that you act a certain way if not you get outcased, even by your own family

    Western countries, it's up to the individual if they hate you or not..but if they do, they're in your face..kind of manner.. and usually it's because of discrimination of some sort, that's why they hate you..

    But..I think everywhere you go if you don't have the power to stand up for yourself if you're very different from the majority, then you'd better be blending in with the society.. but it's not always easy to do either!?
  7. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    OutCaste, I can imagine how hard it must be to study when you are in such a negative environment. I am from India but have never lived there, I was only born there. I can imagine how much trouble you are having here as an international student, in a completely different culture and people and you are the outsider. I am still an outsider here after being here for 11 years and especially was miserable in my first year here going to a school where I was the only India, no, the only Asian there and always being teased and ridiculed.

    Do you know why your sister is abusing you? It is a real shame that she is and I'm sure you feel that you are in a corner with very few or no options to get out of your situation. I hope that you will be able to find a way out of your situation and/or your current situation will improve.
  8. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    The reason a lot of us feel this way is because South Asian diaspora in US is fucked up with all the segregation, cold attitude and mutual hate/jealousy.

    She is abusing me because she feels she can. You know how messed up South Asian families are. I'm living in her house and she is taking advantage of the fact that its not easy for me to move out. There is a so called "Indian" student association in my university, but like I said they only cater to the needs of a specific ethnic group. There is another student association exclusively for the American born South Asians who try to distance themselves from FOBs(Fresh off the boat) as much as possible. I live close to Philadelphia and the only cheap apartments are in the inner city ghettos.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 14, 2008
  9. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    you are right.

    I was not happy in my country either but the reason why I'm more depressed here is because I've few options and nowhere to run.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 14, 2008
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Completely hear you. I'm not in America but the UK and yep, overseas students in universities are treated like shit, not only by home students but the Asian kids who are bought up here. The racism I hear around here by British asian people towards people who've come from abroad just makes me want to throw up. I'm south asian bought up here btw.

    As for your sister, she sounds awful too. You don't have to live like this. Have you tried looking at domestic violence places, because what you're experiencing is domestic violence from your sister. You don't need to go through this. There is help out there available, don't be afraid to take it and reach out.

    They call you Fresh there too? I thought it was only a UK thing. They call people who've come from India 'Freshies' :dry:. I hear you.

    Have you just tried organisations that are generally for ethnic minorities, black, asian etc, rather than ones for specific ethnic groups? Maybe you'd feel more comfortable asking for help there.
  11. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    There are loads of very anxious, Indian students desperately trying to integrate, become "American" or "British", and one of the ways of "integration" is by walking over people and distancing themselves from people like OutCaste.

    If OutCaste wants to voice his experience of alienation as an international student in America, surely he should be able to voice that freely?
  12. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    The home students in US are far more helpful, generous and understanding of other cultures. The fresh Pakistanis are more helpful and courteous to Indians in this country than American born Indians. This is the irony.

    I know but my main priority is education. I don't want to get into any trouble.

    I've tried contacting the international student office but they only provide help with visa or student employment issues.
  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Good, I'm glad you've had that experience with home students. I've experienced it differently where I am.

    Think of it this way: you're gonna get an awful degree if you don't look after your health and home situation. And you're not going to get into trouble for asking for psychological help at least, a counsellor might advise you better and help you emotionally as well as practically.

    Try looking at your universities disability department. They should, have access to a counsellor, or mental health advisor at least.
  14. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    My Final Grades in the first semester are B, B-, N (course not completed). All professors are telling me that I'm better than my performance. Some are even speculating that I might have cheated in my midterm when I was in top 3 of the class:sad:

    My sister is kicking me out of the house this month and forcing me to live other Indian students. She has also forced me to take a loan of 6000 USD for second semester education. I really don't have any motivation left to continue my education.
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