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an act

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by blinky, Aug 21, 2008.

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  1. blinky

    blinky Active Member

    Depression is killing off anything that's ever been important to me, directly crapping up my life. My one friend can't deal with me anymore, and he's depressed too. It's such a huge mess i just don't know what to do. I've been on pills once in awhile but I can't take them anymore, i dont want to

    So i had a thought, act happy. I haven't had a chance to test it out very well yet, and there's often times that I do act happier than I am, but can I keep it up? we'll see. It's been so difficult to act happy, but i feel it's very very necessary right now, because myself and my once good friend will only get more depressed if something doesnt change RIGHT NOW. and for me (maybe him too) being more depressed is intolerable to the point of death. I need things to improve right now, I"m going to lose everything and i may already have, it may all be too late. ugh i hope not

    I have to act happy and be strong. i wouldnt do it unless i believed it would help. I hope that by acting happy and positive i'll naturally become happier and more positive. does anyone here try that? is anyone able to keep the act up for a long period of time?

    something needs to change right now and it has to be me , i have to be the strong one, i'm most if not all of the problem. my ongoing depression is probably just because of previous depression. i gotta stop this vicious cycle right now before i do "something stupid", as my friend would tell me

    is it unhealthy or necessary to ignore how you feel :\
  2. blue542

    blue542 Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you've identified some real key things in there. I think real feeling will show eventually. Acting can get real tiresome and may hurt you more in the long run because you're denying your true state. I suggest venting off your real emotion here and if you must, keep up appearances out there if it means saving face, or helping friendships with other people who are hurting. Pills and therapy usually suck, but I applaud you trying other avenues and being proactive about it.

    I'm here if you need to vent,

  3. blinky

    blinky Active Member

    what i'm hoping for (maybe it's a bit too ambitious) is that by acting happy, that will make people around me happier, which will cause me to naturally be happier as well, as I'd be more pleasant to be around and do things with, and people will actually want to?

    it took a real kick to get to this point, my friend i mean, it scares me the way he talks, and I guess i finally realized just how much it's screwing my life up. He's so important and I want him to be happy too, all i'm ever doing is harm to him and I could lose him, theres a serious risk of losing him. but this isnt' me. I used to be such a nice person but i'm just not anymore. I've grown so impatient and intolerant

    mayb things will get better now. I do have this place to vent, what luck it was to find this place when i was looking for a negative place I found here. I didnt really have anyone to vent to, and so after awhile i'd just "go psycho" (in his words) "for no reason" (also his words). it just eats away at me
  4. blue542

    blue542 Staff Alumni

    Yeah, this place is great! I found this place under foul circumstances too, as I'm sure most people do.

    Your way of thinking is refreshing. I've always been a little intolerant, impatient, and sometimes downright meanspirited, and as an employer I had to change my outward actions to boost morale. I changed, morale improved, and after a while I had actually changed for the better. Situationally I have relapses, but overall I think I'm a more tolerant person. Being here for a good long while has helped that too!

    Again, you're attitude so far is in the right place. If you need a boost, let me know.
  5. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    I see more now. You're tried the medicationce route and ditched it. I did't know that (obviously) when I was advising you before.

    My advice - just be you. No amount of acquiescesence nor manipulation will change others. (Ground rule: 'You can't change other people'.)

  6. delargeal

    delargeal Well-Known Member

    Hey blinky,

    I understand how you feel and I know what it's like to have to keep strong for the sake of others. My Dad had a stroke nearly 2 years ago, a short while after my own depression hit and I've always had to remain strong for my family's sake.

    It's not always a good thing, but it feels like it is. You end up putting everyone else before yourself and often causes you pain in the long run.

    It's clear how much you care about your friend and I just want you to be aware of what you're getting into and most of all I don't want to see you hurting yourself because of it.

    Take care.
  7. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    I'm glad I spotted this. You just described a technique often used in "self-improvement" psychological movements. "Behave 'as if' and sure enough you can train yourself to become a more positive person."

    This however does not apply to us. We have what's known as major depressive disorder. It may sound exaggerated, but that's how they term genuine depression in the medical community. You cannot talk, act, or trick your way out of it as though it were a bad habit.

    And lastly, a giant thumbs up to Delargeal's post, which is insightful and knowlegeable.

    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2008
  8. blinky

    blinky Active Member

    That right there is the story of my life. For so many years my schedule has worked around other peoples because I don't really have a purpose in life, but they do. I dropped out of school and ended up helping family. My dad dies, and so now I have an even bigger role with that. After he died I went back and did finish school, I wasn't far off from graduating, but now it's still like everythings holding me back. I don't know, but it feels like I try harder than anyone else, or that I'm the only one trying and caring. It's like I'm putting more in than everybody else and it does get me down, like nobody in my life gives a shit about me. People just walk all over me and use me because they can and they're selfish, and I'm selfish too but the difference is i never get my way and they always get theirs
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