an after effect!

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by White Dove, Sep 30, 2008.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    This is an after effect!

    FOR THE RECORD, I DO NOT IN ANY WAY SUPPORT SUICIDE, SO PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT IT!

    an effect of what happens to one that has attempted their life before.. the exact method will be blocked out by me to have this within the guidelines here.

    i attempted my life more then one time, each time taking more and more ***** 2 times i was admitted to an ER, one time i was sent to a nut house, the other time i was not because i was not straight with the hospital and told them it was an accident. The following is what will happen to you should you attempt your life and not succeed ( in other words you try to take your life but live ). this is what happened to me.

    I tried so many times, sometimes i would sleep longer and not wake up for a day or 2 other times i took and could not sleep because i had tremendease pain in my arms, left arm, hurt really bad, almost like one that would be on steroids, hurt so bad that one wants to just hit their arm against the wall in order to ease the pain. i did this on numerouse times, each time telling people i was going t attempt.. they got to where they just did not believbe me or care, guess they must of thought i did not attempt it, but each time i told others i would, i did attempt it.

    when you attempt and live, you are branded as an outcast ( at least i am branded as one ) you are told your just wanting attention ( been told that many times ) you are often told that your an abuser and user of other people ( been told that too - many times because to me i guess they think my pain is not real and that i am just fooling them for attention or that i am not very serious, because hey? i did not die so i must be lying, i must just be an user or abuser because if i had attempted then i would have died - because i am still alive i did not attempt it, right?? well thats what others think of me, because i am here right now posting that i am a abuser, user, liar, attention seeking idiot.) you are told that you are not serious ( been told that too cause hey if i was serious then i would already be dead ) you are called many things from being a liar, to an abuser, to a user, your told that you have pushed peoples patients away ( been told this very thing a few days ago because i was trying to aviod coming here trying to help myself without any help and so i am now branded as pushing others patients away, lol trying to help myself get out of depression is wrong for me to do.)

    you often come away after the effects with damage to your body in more ways then one - ( i have many things wrong with me that are very physical, and currently seeing not 1 not 2 but 3 quailified doctors trying to match their findings to see if they all agree and on how to treat my cancer, my asthma, my tachycardia, etc ) then i have the emotional trama of not ever knowing what love really is, not knowing what support is, what caring is, etc i dont even know if i get support what exactly is it? i dont even know what love is, because others have used and abused that part of my life so much that i cant even begin to trust or understand or even know what it is. i may have the best support in the world and not taught it to understand it then how would i know.

    your branded as many things when you attempt and do not succeed in it. it sure does not make your life easier either, mine has been caose after caose, heartacke after heartacke, friendships broken after friendships broken, family after family abuse, being called liar upon liar, being reminded of my mistakes time after time, hardship upon hardship and i am darn tired of it all. something has got to give and its going to give soon. very soon i will no longer be called a liar, i will no longer be called an abuser, i will no longer be called anything, i will no longer be fighting, i will no longer be called or told i am wearing others patients down.

    see, the after effects of an attempt is worse then succeed in it. my advice do not attempt!

    thank you.

    White dove
     
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