An ear to listen

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by spanisheyes, Sep 27, 2012.

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  1. spanisheyes

    spanisheyes New Member

    This is my first post and I desperately need to talk. This past month has sent me to a place I havent been in a very long time and it is so dark here. I work a useless job where I am overworked and underpaid and yet, I decided as my mom was in need of a place to live, that she could move in. The same week, I started university. Only two weeks prior to that, my boyfriend arrived home after 6 months apart. With all of this going on, I told my daughter, who currently lives with her father, that I was super busy. Well, the ex decided that he would not let my other half pick my daughter up and stay because my mom was here, even though she helped raise her. So with all of this stress, the ex begins harassing me telling me I am a terrible parent, that I do nothing for her even though we have said that she could come at any time.
    I have been struggling with the endless amounts of stuff that has been going on and I have been doing my best. I have gotten sick with an infection that I had to go to hospital for and I still work all my 50 hours a week and get all my schoolwork done. Now, I am also a terrible parent. It completely tipped me over the edge. At home, my other half and my mother dont lend me a sympatetic ear. Instead, they attack me saying I need to do more. I am always tired. I blew out my back at work 6 months ago and everyday, I am in constant pain and wear a back brace but cant go to a doctor as I cannot afford it. I cant even find the time to go to the local county hospital to get some kind of coverage. There are that many demands on my time. In the past few weeks, it is not uncommon for me to be on my feet lifting things at work and at home for 16 hours straight. No breaks. No sitting down. I am sometimes so tired I cannot even eat.
    I can see how I am obviously a terrible person. i'm not but that is how they make me feel. I am so tired of life. I try so hard and everyone wants more. I just want it to stop. I dont know what to do anymore. This has been a jumble of my thoughts...not well organized but I am tipping over the edge. I get angry but then I get so sad that I lock myself in the room. The anger protects me from the hurt but once the anger is gone, it is like my soul is bleeding. I can have so much to look forward to but right now, all I want to do is die. I know I need to seek help for my stress and depression swings but I cant afford to eat some months and now, I have two others relying on me.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I know from reading what you've just wrote that you are not a bad person. So, we can rule that out! In fact, I'd say that you are a very good person. Not a lot of people would make the sacrifices that you've made, especially feeling the way you've been feeling, both personally and professionally. First off, give yourself some credit. You recognize that you want a more rewarding line of work, and so you are doing the necessary things to further your education and be able to achieve such goals. This is outstanding. You offered your Mom a home. Also outstanding! You communicated clearly to your ex that taking on your daughter right this very minute as is usually the case, is too much for you--excellent recognition. If they do not wish to respect and accept your requests, and truthfulness about what is best for you to succeed now and in the future, then that is a burden that they should carry, not you. I know it's easier said than done. But it's still true. As for your Mom and current boyfriend, if they're not supportive, that's a commentary on their selfishness and lack of understanding. I'd suggest doing your best to tell them what is what, in terms of what you need, but if they're not willing to help you out, then just ignore them and consider the source. Don't let others' negativity destroy your positive vibes! Best Wishes-
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