An epiphany, I really want a new family

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Vee, Sep 9, 2010.

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  1. Vee

    Vee Active Member

    I think I finally realized why I'm so depressed. No matter how hard I try I will never be able to replace my family.

    At least in the USA those kind of deep connections simply do not exist outside of the family you are born into, except for sometimes you can marry into them.

  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Where is your mother, father, brother, siblings and spouse?
  3. Vee

    Vee Active Member

    I have no siblings, I have a GF that has no family.

    My parents never wanted me, I never lived up to their "expectations" and they made sure to remind me of that constantly so I told them to fuck off and moved away.
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    That was a good idea, I think, even though you are lonely now. Better to be free of such people, and long for someone worthy of your attention, than to be stuck with them, hating them.

    If they can't accept you, it's their own fault, not yours.
  5. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    You are still young, you can still have a a family of your own. Things have a way of working themselves out, if you just hold on.
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Vee. Sorry to hear that your parents never gave you any words of encouragement. My dad is like that too. He never gave me any encouragement and always tells me that if I tried a little harder in university, I could have gotten into medical school. But you know what? At first it bothered me, but after a while I just stopped giving a damn what he thinks and just do my own thing. I take pleasure in proving him wrong. I became a teacher instead and am quite happy with my life. As long as you're happy, that's all that really matters. Remember, your parents will be dead one day. ;)
  7. Vee

    Vee Active Member

    I'm not happy tho, I'm lonely, and try as I might I cannot replace the family that I never had.
  8. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Vee, as long as you are here on this earth, there is hope. You are still young and you can still make your own family. There is some beautiful girl out there waiting for you. *hugs*
  9. Vee

    Vee Active Member

    That's just creating a halfway solution to a larger problem tho. Why create a replacement family in a world where that would just make that family the "insiders" and everyone else the "outsiders", which is exactly how I grew up.

    I don't like kids, and I see no reason to have kids given how broken our society is right now.
  10. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    Hey Vee!
    I can relate though I'm in a different situation - still very close with parents but no significant other. I also share I guess some reluctance to entertain the thoughts of having children, in part because I would prefer to foster and give some love to kids who need it now but also because I wouldn't want a child to inherit any genetic predisposition to an illness.
    When you say family, do you mean people who love you unconditionally?
    Or do you mean a sense of community with support?
  11. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    In what ways is our society broken that you cannot deter your children from? To think, most of our problems are handed down from our ancestors. Children are our future, if our kids don't know the way we're all fucked.

    Have you ever thought about adoption or foster care if you don't want to bring someone into the world 'forcefully'. You would be bring someone 'in', that has always been 'out'.
  12. Vee

    Vee Active Member

    Either would be fine but I don't have any expectation of anything "unconditional" from any other human being.

    It would be good enough just to have any sense of being part of a community.

    Of course I've got a ton of stumbling blocks against that, I'm not religious, I live in Seattle and I'm a Liberal with oddly Conservative pastimes.
  13. Vee

    Vee Active Member

    Hrrm, I believe humans have totally failed as a species.

    We destroy everything we touch, we don't think about consequences and we don't use logic & reason when we form our conclusions.

    I think that the globe and all other species would be better off without humans. (There is a group called the "voluntary human extinction movement that says "May we all live long and die out")

    Also, I do not have the money to even begin to attempt to raise a child, nor the time, nor the love most likely, and it's not right to gamble with someone Else's life in that way.
  14. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I wouldnt see it as a replacement family, the point is on that one is that your family didnt want you, didnt show you the love you needed, maybe taught you how to hate. You dont have to have a wife or kids, volunteer, there are tons of people out there that need help.

    Maybe join the big brother/sister group.

    You dont have to feel this way, making a life for your own self is supose to be the best thing in life, right.

    Please dont let your past decide your future.
  15. Vee

    Vee Active Member

    Sure, we can do anything *WE* want, until we want to be around other people and have them accept us then it's *THEIR* choice to do so or not, and we can't force them to do so.

    If a society puts too much value on blood ties and almost none on ties that are not blood you can't exactly force them to change that.

    My only real hope is to wait until the economy changes so I can get a job, buy a boat and sail someplace better.
  16. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I disagree, Im here in the US and I can tell you I find more and more people that dont have family to depend on, to reach out to, even if they did they wouldnt want to and they are okay with that. I know what you mean, it hurts so damn bad to be rejected by the ones that are supose to love you unconditionaly but maybe they have issues of their own that makes it hard for them to know how to love.

    Where would you sail? If you go to Florida will you swing by here and pick me up?
  17. Vee

    Vee Active Member

    Europe is high on the list, Australia, sailing is really more of a means to go different places cheaply when one does not know where exactly to go.

    All I know is the USA is not where I want to live anymore for a number of reasons. Of course the biggest problem with that is my GF of 9 years refuses to move out of the USA, however that relationship is dying quickly, she has zero desire to have friends or company of other humans like I require.
  18. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Thats a hard one, Ill agree with you there, its hard to have someone want to be a homebody when you want to live it up and be seen. Me and my H are two totally differant people and we struggle but in the end we have made a committment with marriage and children that I stick to.

    Im the same way, I live here in IL, and absolutely HATE IT here, grew up down in Florida and would do just about anything but break my committment to get back there.

    Like I said this is your life, and it sounds like you have already gotten in your head what you want out of it. Now just going out to get it.

    The US is a huge place, move away from her, ignore her, there is a reason why you guys didnt work out, do you see it?
  19. Vee

    Vee Active Member

    But I believe the USA is part of the problem.

    It's a competitive society, not a collaborative one.
  20. Nima

    Nima Well-Known Member

    Oh Vee I'm so sorry that your parents never wanted you but I'm sure they did want you but they just didn't know what to do at the moment. I really think that is harsh when parents say oh you can't live up to my expectations what expectations is that you can't be perfect because the world does not make perfect people this is a imperfect world. I think you should not be sad you should just keep God in your life and keep your head up and think positive thoughts
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