I'm a decent pianist, but I haven't practiced or learned any new music in months. It's too much work, and I won't get anything out of it. I was studying Japanese, but I've pretty much decided that's never going to happen. It's too much work, and I won't be able to appreciate the results. I used to make tool-assisted speedruns of video games, but I just haven't been able to get interested in it for a while. It's too much work, and I'll never be satisfied with the job I've done. There was a time when I read lots of books in order to learn as much as I could, but I hardly read at all anymore. It's too much work, and who cares how much I know anyway? I once wanted to be a librarian, or a teacher, or a scientist, but every occupation now sounds horribly tedious and completely unfulfilling. It's all too much work, and nothing at all can make me glad to be alive. I aspired to be a family man, to have a wife and children, to grow old and be proud of the many things I'd done with my life, but there's no reality in that. It's too much work, and what's the point? I'm done. I no longer have the passion to create, learn, or accomplish anything. I indulge in the works of others and silently wish I could be part of it, because that's the only reason I have for getting out of bed. I have disconnected myself from the real world and I don't intend to look back. Because all I can feel anymore is this emotion, it's all I can think about, and no matter what else I do, all I want is to feel it even more strongly. I want to drown in it. So this is how it ends. One day I'll no longer be inclined to leave my room for any reason, and so I'll just waste away in here. Lost in fantasy, dreaming of worlds and of lives that can never be, even while my body stops and my mind inevitably follows. This is the only path, there's no other option. I have to disappear, because there never was anything for me here. All I have left is to just give up, to seek comfort from the example of those (real or fictional) who have given up before me, to let go of this broken brain of mine and not pretend like it could ever have been otherwise.