An idea.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Lonz, Jan 15, 2007.

  1. Lonz

    Lonz Active Member

    I wish someone would found an organization to do the following:

    Say a family, or a friend, of someone suicidal wonders how to deal with their loved one's problem. They think of all the things they could do, but in the end, the person kills themself.

    Now, rewind time. To before the death. The friend or family gets a video or packet in the mail, describing how to emotionally support the loved one, etc. Things like,

    If a friend won't return calls or has their phone turned off, rely on cards. I wish I had sent a Christmas card. Or present. If it's June, just send a friendship card.

    If you think a friend may drift away when they get depressed, make sure you know certain things which will make it possible to stay in touch. Like
    social network sites such as My Space and Ask your friend their name on the site. Heck, create an account for them and tell them about it. Let 'em change their password of course. And, do you know your friend's surname (lastname)? If they move back with parents, this could help you track them down.

    Signs. I knew my friend was mentally ill and had once been suicidal. Yet, I lost sight of that. I saw their withdrawal as personal rejection, not knowing they were withdrawing from ALL their friends. This should have screamed, "watch out!" to me. It may not just be you they distance themself from!!

    Know MUTUAL FRIENDS. If it's just you who knows them, what if they break off contact? You are in the dark and alone, not knowing anything. Or, what if you have them over and they act disturbed? Who do you call? Knowing mutual friends makes watching out for your buddy easier. You have a team, instead of just you. You can contact other mutual friends, who can help support them emotionally.

    Do you know their parent's phone number? Address? Assuming their parents are not abusive and the problem itself, you might need to get in touch with them if your buddy goes off the deep end.

    What do you all think? I wish I'd have thought of some of this stuff, weeks ago.

  2. Personally, I think this (these) ideas practical and extremely well intentioned and thoughtful. However I'm not so optimistic about their implimentation...that is to say, I think people don't as a whole deal with another person's Depression very well at all. It's still seen as a "flaw" that needs to be overcome as in i.e. "Buck up" "Pull up your bootstraps" - "Get over it". If I had a nickle for every *platitude* ever offered me, I'd be a rich old babe...
    But I like your compassion and thinking 'bout stuff that matters

  3. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Sorry i thought id rreplied to your thread earlier but clearly i didnt!!!Sorry.[Or was it a PM i sent you.Maybe or maybe not i just know i intended to reply or PM or both lol - sorry about my uncertainty it is just as ive not been doing very well so i have problems with my memory right now sorry]i read your ideas and clearly you have put a lot of thought into them.Thank you for sharing them with us and so writing it out so clearly for us on paper.Clearly food for thought there.Well done.i like them!!.

    im also sorry youve had the experience of losing a friend to suicide.That must be terribly painful for you.i can see how you must feel incredible 'guilt' about this at times and i can see you going through all the 'what-ifs' which is more than understandable and i know its hard but please try to keep reminding yourself that ultimately you could only ever do so may be that you may never have been able to prevent this and you cant take responsiblity for someone elses actions.They are not in your control.

    If you ever need to talk please feel free to contact me and it would be great to hear from you anytime.

    Please take care of yourself as best as you can and thanks once again for sharing with us your ideas.

    Take care adn best wishes for now!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2007