Suicide is not a choice, not to me. It doesn't feel like a choice, really. It feels like having to go to the bathroom. It's an urge that wells up in my body, starting small and growing, and I feel that I can avoid it -- if there's no bathroom around, or if they're all dirty or something, or if I'd just rather wait until I get home, I can put it off for a long time if I have to... But I can't put it off forever. Suicide feels the same. Not a choice, but an inevitable outcome that I can only put off for awhile. When I almost did it once before, I cried, like I didn't really want to, it was just going to happen whether I wanted it to or not. Like I had no control over my own body. It seems inevitable, like I'll die this way no matter what I do, it's just a matter of time. I didn't make the choice to do it or in this case not do it, I just managed to put it off a bit longer. Does anyone else feel this way?