I can't take any more. I don't want to be alive. Been trying to convince myself over the last few days that things will get better, that it is worth hanging on to what little hope I could. It's gone disappeared. I just want to be dead. I don't want to have to exist on this earth forever feeling this way. Nothing is worth this much agony. Nothing could explain how much I've had to endure. Nothing could ever take it away or make it better. I'm struggling so much to reach out for help. Getting desperate, nothing is working. Even left an answerphone message this morning for my nurse and still no response. I hate answer phones and always just hang up. I keep praying that I could just die because this pain is too great. My life has been nothing but heartache and everything I touch goes wrong, everyone I get close too ends up getting infected with whatever is wrong with my own life. I hate me, I feel like I don't have any other options left but to die.