An Inevitable Fate

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cloudymemories, Mar 22, 2014.

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  1. cloudymemories

    cloudymemories Active Member

    I've been saying this for a long, long time and I think this year is the year. You know, there comes a time in all of our lives when we are going to have to die anyways. Whoever created us made death mandatory. Babies die, teenagers die, adults die, and the elderly die. Some get ran over by cars, some people get killed by others, some a disease and some suicide. The one thing we all have in common is we are all going to die and before you die you have already died somewhere in time because time is an illusion. So I am thinking I am going to kill myself this year. Life has been sucky. I've been suicidal my whole life but this year is a little different. I can just tell I will end up killing myself. I don't truly want to die but things will NOT get better. Some issues I have are deep rooted ones. I am very insecure and I feel I am not good enough. Nobody's words can help me and I don't want sympathy. I am so sick of crying and contemplating. I don't think medication can fix my issues coz the issues come from within. Why should it matter? My family is so distorted that they couldn't care anyways.

    ..Not that I'd need them to..I just can tell I will not live to see 2015. I just know it.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    meds do help rooted causes of depression as well the meds help take some of the deep sadness and pain away but therapy is needed as well to help you find a different path so you can find people who will listen and care ok coming here was first step to helping yourself hugs
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    You truly don't want to die cloudy, and that is a positive. To build on it, here are a few self-talk tips to dwell on, which happen to be true:

    "Don't judge the future by the past - the future will be different when new insights and understandings restore hope"
    "Don't leap out of the train, just because it's going through a tunnel"
    "This despair will not be permanent. One day I will look back on it"
    "Yes, something must stop, but it is not my life (I know I truly do not wish to die) - it is the beliefs which are the source of my pain"
    "Following my feelings is not the way out of my vicious loop, in fact it reinforces it. Is it just my habitualised perceptions that are really at the bottom of things - if so, these can be changed"
    "There is a ladder for my pit - and there is a good counsellor who can help me find the way out"

    I really hope that these may help you cloudy. It is possible to start over and learn how to enjoy getting our thinking right so we can enjoy life before it ends. If there were no point to it all, whoever created us really wouldn't have bothered..... or shouldn't have. :)
  4. cloudymemories

    cloudymemories Active Member

    They shouldn't have bothered. I appreciate the time people like you guys take to help people like me but my mind is long gone past this third dimensional thinking. Why do we yearn to live..we are born tod die. Well, I don't know why I would yearn to live. My life has more pain in it. I'm too sensitive to be here..Whoever created me wants me to die anyways so what's the use? I think it's dumb coz the creator could heal all of our hearts and minds and whatever it is, didn't and doesn't. I can't even respect the one who invented mankind. Even if I did commit suicide, everyone else ends out the same -- a bag of bones. No emotions, no riches, no school, no job, nothing..and everything you worked for your whole life goes down the drain. It's all illogical and pointless for me to stay here. When the pain gets too bad to a point where I don't care about the physical pain, then I will check out. My fear is the only thing holding me back..Fear of pain and discomfort during death...but everyone will go through it.

    The only thing that can possibly keep me alive is helping others turn their lives around financially because I know others will appreciate it but I can't do that right now. All I know is, if things don't change this Spring, I think that will be my breaking point. I don't HAVE to live. Death is the only sure thing and it's an illusion anyhow. We reincarnate over and over coz our spirits never die. Hopefully my next life would be better but I don't know. I used to have visions when I was 6 of me jumping off of the balcony. That's either a past life or the future..

    Either way I'll do it again or do it for the first time in this life. I have a feeling my life WILL NOT turn around and I refuse to endure anymore of this crap. I can handle it but I DON'T WANT TO. I'm not too weak but it's uncomfortable to live when I don't feel like it so...whatever. I'll be here until I'm dead.
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