I'm not sure I even want to be here. But internally I'm all over the place. I've been diagnosed once before with depression (lasted 4 months), after an outburst which saw me carted off to my local police station for a night. What happened that night is coming back even more now with other things going on (and going wrong), not really helping me. End of 2006 I lost a job that I could have been taken from temp into permanent. Was kicked out by my mum for losing said job the very next month. 2 months of flat share with a friend where I lost a number of things in the process led me to a hostel (few days at my mums while searching, she didn't want to see me homeless). Then I lose my way and forget to pay the rent - getting evicted by middle of July. Taken back in by my mum with no-where else to go at that point, there was a possibility I might sort myself out. Foolish to believe so. Towards the end of September I had a few drinks inside me, and I wanted to hurt myself. I'd lost jobs, roofs over my head, and above all else, contact with my single most important person in my life - my son. Fast forward to now, and dec 2011 has been the best of the worst revisited. I split up with my girlfriend, lose a friend of 5 years, and now have potential issues in paying enough rent money to keep my housemates satisfied. Couple that with not eating/sleeping properly - and you can see I'm in a bit of a pickle. I'm not convinced I want to fight it. The character I have become I despise, so I'm negative about myself 99.9% of the time. I have insulted the intelligence of numerous people, and almost burnt out any chances of help that others can give.