An insight into me.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by meaningless-vessel, Dec 30, 2011.

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  1. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure I even want to be here.

    But internally I'm all over the place.

    I've been diagnosed once before with depression (lasted 4 months), after an outburst which saw me carted off to my local police station for a night. What happened that night is coming back even more now with other things going on (and going wrong), not really helping me.

    End of 2006 I lost a job that I could have been taken from temp into permanent. Was kicked out by my mum for losing said job the very next month. 2 months of flat share with a friend where I lost a number of things in the process led me to a hostel (few days at my mums while searching, she didn't want to see me homeless). Then I lose my way and forget to pay the rent - getting evicted by middle of July.

    Taken back in by my mum with no-where else to go at that point, there was a possibility I might sort myself out. Foolish to believe so. Towards the end of September I had a few drinks inside me, and I wanted to hurt myself. I'd lost jobs, roofs over my head, and above all else, contact with my single most important person in my life - my son.

    Fast forward to now, and dec 2011 has been the best of the worst revisited. I split up with my girlfriend, lose a friend of 5 years, and now have potential issues in paying enough rent money to keep my housemates satisfied. Couple that with not eating/sleeping properly - and you can see I'm in a bit of a pickle.

    I'm not convinced I want to fight it. The character I have become I despise, so I'm negative about myself 99.9% of the time. I have insulted the intelligence of numerous people, and almost burnt out any chances of help that others can give.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi so many here have done the same thing hun pushed away all the ones they loved shut doors that were opened it is part of the illness that makes us do that.
    You can rebuild and get back on that path of healing hun you can I do hope you reach out to someone your doctor crisis line but do it okay You deserve another chance hun we all do hugs Welcome to SF
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I also have problems opening up to people. I guess that's also part of the issue, that I can't reach out properly.

    Thanks for the kind words though.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    That is a big part of the issue i agree hun but try ok Phone your doctor and see what door can be reopened hugs
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi indiscretion,

    I am sorry you are relegated to living without more flexibility, but I hope your living conditions improve soon! I will keep you in my thoughts. Maybe these forums can offer you plenty of warmth and hospitality... Now that we have met, I wish you the best... May the time you spend here be rewarding. You did a great job opening up in your posts, and I hope this positive momentum carries over into real life. Take care, sir, and welcome again. :hug:

  6. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hello and welcome to SF..
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