An Interesting Shift

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by SomewhatDamaged, Nov 9, 2006.

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  1. This is not about my addiction, or negative view of drugs; this is, in fact, a case of something that helped me. I'm not sure if I should post in here, but hell, since is has to do with drugs, I'll go for it.

    I'm 17. In my life I've been drunk, I've smoked weed, I've snorted painkillers, I've done cocaine, and I've done ecstasy. X, in fact, I tried for the first time Saturday night.

    I've been struggling with depression for about eight to ten months, ending up in the hospital on suicide watch once. I've been told that x wasn't a good idea because of the after effects. Regardless, I was in a good mood and wanted to try it. I don't really know why I wanted to, I just did.

    Obviously, while I was rollin, I felt feelings I hadn't felt in months: peace, overwhelming love, forgiveness, empathy, etc. Everything that, basically, you find in God Himself (so I believe). Depression didn't exist.

    Now the odd thing is, I braced myself for the worst. But when I came down I felt kinda bad physically (though not as bad as I thought I would - I ended up taking three pills my first time) but yet the residue of all the peace and love and everything stuck with me. Now, I'm completely down, yet I don't feel depressed.

    The reason is because this stuff shifted my view on life. It made me realize that deep inside my mind, a real human side still existed. If we are made in the image of God, I now think that nothing gets us closer to what we were supposed to be in the first place besides that. I now find myself caring where I didn't care, I find bitterness and anger fading. It also made me realize how stupid most other drugs were; alcohol and pot just made me feel good. Coke got me a little deep, but not near as much as ecstasy, and people can get way too addicted to that and it's far too expensive so I won't do it again.

    What do all of you have to say about this?
  2. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    I actuly think this is really great.. But i really hope it doesnt make you keep taking it if you start to feel depressed again. I think its wonderful that you can see these things inside yourself and in the world. A suggestion - If you start to feel depression coming back, look inside yourself and tell yourself over and over again what you found and that you know its there. =) Take care, and good luck. Ally.
  3. Syd

    Syd Guest

    MDMA is by far (at least was for me) the most spiritual drug, and provides some of the best experiences you'll ever have. If you want to learn how to roll safely (less risk of harming yourself) and discuss more details about the culture surrounding the drug, I recommend

    You probably already know (but just in case) it's not recommended to drop a pill more than once a month, and your experiences will be better if you stay within that boundary. Drinking lots of water during rolls prevents dehydration, and having plenty of gum to chew is useful so you don't hurt your teeth. Other than that, I recommend being with a group of close friends who you'll be comfortable with on emotional and intellectual levels during your rolls.

    Anything else you want to discuss about ecstasy (mdma) just drop me a line, I'm sure I'll be able to help with just about anything. It was my drug of choice from 2000 - 2003, almost 4 years since I've last rolled.. the three and a half years I was active in that scene seem like three decades to me, so many memories.
  4. Bette

    Bette Guest

    Old head here. I have a question and I in no way doubt what you guys are describing.

    The thing I am wondering is why's it take a drug to have you FEEL?

    I may not be explaing it correctly. I did heroin to NOT FEEL. I know there's a person in here. A soul. I'm kind to little children and animals. I amke people laugh. I also wanted to bury something. Heroin did that.

    Now I am finding out I could have easily talked in therapy about it, and not got into dope. I'm just not a big fan of any drugs anymore. Not even like all thes new get your cholestrol down or have a antihistamine.

    Just wondering?
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