An intro, outro and everything between

I come across this forum and thought I would just post, what will probably amount to ramblings. I have never been diagnosed, but since early teenager I have felt depressed many times and during such times have thought of suicide. One thing that kept me away is that I am a fairly philosophical person, open minded and I like to think objectively. If I was to end my life, I would be shattering the lives of those around me. The thoughts of suicide soon passed.

The last few months I have felt that my life has gone from semi-control to hands tied behind my back and brick on the accelerator pedal out of contol. Nothing has really happened in my life to make me feel so, lost. I have a job working days and nights that I hate, financial position that leaves me with nothing and health that seems to be getting worse; but these are all things that I have had for the past five years, it just feels that now I just seemingly can't cope.

I don't know whether it is my health that is making me feel so low, or just an accumalation of all of the above. I am going to visit my doctor and see what he says, but I did this a few years ago and got nothing for it. My health problems were placed down to my lifestyle, even though I lead a fairly healthy lifestyle, I was told to do more, have done and nothing has changed.

So what is the point of me on here? I don't know. I don't really speak to people about my problems, infact I never have. I don't have many friends as although I get on well with everyone, I prefer my own company. I guess I'm looking for that ultimate response I want to hear, that great answer that will solve everything, that point of everlasting peace from one great second that we all search for deep down. I just feel the lowest that I have ever felt and I don't know what to do for the best.

Everyone is on here for a reason, whether it is a genuine cry for help, a genuine cry for attention, a genuine need to help. We all feel that we are genuine and we are. If something hurts us, no matter how small, then it hurts us, regardless of what others may think or say.

As I said, I've probably just rambled. However, it was either ramble on here or ramble to myself and I've done that for too long.

I wish all of you the best and all find what you need.

 

I need to do the following sort out my finances after my ex left me in complete ruin, this requires a well paid job, I have a fairly ok paid job, but its an awful job really is, put it this way verbal abuse and physical confrontation is daily/nightly. I want to get out of my job, but it is not that simple given the current economic climate. On top of that my health is quite poor, has been for years. I have looked in to it and I have every symptom pointing to ME, but then again it could just well be depression. Trouble is, doctors don't seem to care too much for it either way and just tell you to get on with it, which is what I have done for over a decade. I think I need to take time off work and try and sort myself out, that is the bottom line.