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An Introduction

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Lexicon, Sep 9, 2010.

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  1. Lexicon

    Lexicon Well-Known Member


    I've also posted in the suicide thread bit... I'm kinda just talking in the different sections with people who have the faintest idea what I'm feeling and thinking!

    So. Me. I'm Lex, I'm 17, I've been bulimic for the last 7 years and I think I've developed anorexia given the weight loss and the resurgence of obsessive calorie counting and exercise. Not so clever. I'm still at a healthy weight though, so technically I'm fine.

    What the hell. I've thrown up twice today, and eaten less than 1000 calories including the binges which I then threw up. Hmm. And I keep trying to pretend I'm ok.

    I just don't know what to do any more. Anybody with any ideas would be greatly appriciated. I need to stop, I've already seriously damaged my body (I've never once had a regular period, for example, and my resting heartrate is still under 60 although I've never told a doctor that) so yeah. Please, please help me somebody.

    Sorry to sound so pathetic! Thank you for everyone taking the time to read.

  2. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Lex, have you thought about going in to treatment for your eating disorder?

    You do have a serious eating disorder, and I know how easy it is to keep it a secret and feel scared.

    I hope you are open to getting some help, it won't be easy, but I think it is almost impossible to recover on your own.
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    It is certainly very, very difficult, if not impossible, to "recover" from an ED without huge amounts of support. I would seriously consider going in to get help.
  4. Lexicon

    Lexicon Well-Known Member

    Hiya both. I am getting help, but it feels fragmented and not really dealing with the problem properly. I'm already on my second counsellor... I feel a bit of a fraud moving on because I'll just get labelled as resistant and made to go IP... Ergh.

    Well, thanks for replying, it means a lot.

  5. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Not an easy fix for sure and it's going to take exploring many aspects of life and your self....

    Myself and a few others are well over 10-20 years + into our conditions. I am 20 years into anorexia and have had my long bouts with bulimia and at some point all the ED's intertwined.

    First and foremost, the "path" of recovery is never easy as you are experiencing and by not being completely open and honest with your clinician, runs a risk of more damage to your body and I know you know that.

    It's that struggle of keeping and letting go of the ED habits, rituals and secrecy. Does this mean you have to adhere to eating 3-6 meals a day? No, but you do need to explore [intimately] why you urge to binge and vomit.....those are very excessive acts that have very deep intimate ties to them.

    The counselor/clinicain you confide in, you must feel comfortable and respected by....do you feel you can be open? ( as much as you can at the moment) Finding someone who doesn't view you as the "17" year old with food and body issues is very important. Someone who talks [with] you and not [at] you....

    Myself, my bulima had diminshed years ago due to internal esohagus damage and I got so tired of spending $1000 a month of food to binge and purge....I got tired of the acid flavor in my mouth and burning my stomach....I hated bending over the toilet day in and day out.....I hated feeling like I had just finised a marathon b/c of the physical endurance of vomitting.....I dunno, it was soooooo draining. At times I pure a little but my anorexia is so STRINGENT that I am better in that sense but.....

    What do you think onset your ED's?
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