An Obsession and Suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Crimsonsorrow, Jun 8, 2011.

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  1. Crimsonsorrow

    Crimsonsorrow Active Member

    I dont know how to epitomize the entire situation nor do I know why am I writing this as I know that the pain will not go away.

    As the rest of the people on this forum once again I have bounced back into suicide mode. I know that most of the people will find this relatively amusing especially after you read the reasons for it.

    Long story short

    I have been feeling suicidal after two years of having an obsession over one girl that caught my eye. I dreamt of falling in love with a girl like that, yet the feeling was never mutual. No other girl in my life really attracted me like that. I always laughed at the word love, yet once I experienced it first hand even though it was not mutual I felt excited yet dellusional. And now after so many years of being single the girl that I have loved so much has finally found a boyfriend. The news shocked me so much that I could barely speak even now for the past several days I have felt anxious and depressed, feeling constantly as if Im chocking myself to death. I do not know how I can go on like this. I know this is all wrong, so imaginary, yet still I break down and my own self seems to want to destroy me. I do not know what to do anymore...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Does sound like you have obssessive disorder have you been treated with meds for it Have you gone to doctor to seek help to get you thoughts under control
    I don't t hink anyone will laugh i think they will say same thing i have call your doctor and get treatment hugs
  3. elementdeckz24

    elementdeckz24 Banned Member

    I've always had a similar problem. However I'm not obsessed with a girl its more like that girl has always been my great friend and the only girl that has ever been trully sweet to me. She now has a boyfriend and I feel like I can't talk to her anymore plus I don't think she ever found me attractive. Anyways I'm trying to get over her but its hard because no other girls will be nice like that to me. So I understand how you feel. Its best to try and move on with your life and not think about her. Try finding another girl like her. Thats what I have trouble with but I'm sure you'll have better luck then me at finding new girls so good luck.
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Crimsonsorrow - my sympathy towards you and empathy also. Empathy is more pertinent than sympathy as it implies someone knows how you feel - and I guess I know exactly how you feel - or at least, there-a-bouts.

    Like you I've had a women catch my eye - and I don't mean like an umbrella injury!

    Seriously though - you can quite literally fall in love at first sight or at least know after speaking to a women that she rocks your soul. Then comes the 'difficult' bit - for me at least.

    You see - falling in love quickly like that means you might stand LESS chance of actually persuading her to be your woman. I mean, you put a woman on a pedestal in your minds eye - you might literally be tongue tied - and any request for a date would perhaps come out in not quite the smooth, unconcerned manner we try to adopt IF asking someone for a date.

    Worse, you become so besotted that even asking her out becomes like asking your boss for a raise. You hesitate too long and that is the end of it - usually.

    I wrote a song about it years ago - Hesitation Blues - heard of it? No? Little wonder, there is only one recording on a cassette tape somewhere.

    Anyhow, the song came after I made the classic mistake of gazing from afar - hesitation, then some muscle bound muscle head turns up. You know the story.

    I guess if it comes to the point your still kind of besotted all these years later - and feel suicidal because she has a boyfriend - you have to stop feeling that way somehow.

    Be that meds for a while or whether there is something you do that can take your mind off things. It's not healthy to obsess about a women - but maybe your pain is genuine in that you always carried a torch for her. Feeling like you want to die over a woman - that is common as houseflies. Actually having a plan would mean you are depressed over it - maybe clinically as 2 years is a long time to feel depressed without respite.

    I had an obsession once - but let it go when she got married. Since then I've not thought much about - might go a few months until something triggers a connection but only the briefest of thoughts.

    IF you think you might go over the edge over all this - then see a doctor. Depression can often be triggered by natural events. Bereavement, divorce, love gone wrong and other things can affect us all in different ways. Some 'breeze' over these things - others can end up depressed to the point whereby they might do well with counselling or self help groups or perhaps medication if things get real bad.

    One thing is for sure - next time you feel anything for a women - ask her out BEFORE you start to lie awake at night for too long.

    Good luck.
  5. Crimsonsorrow

    Crimsonsorrow Active Member

    It is just that I really feel something for her. Even if I see girls who are better looking than her I still fall for those big blue eyes like a sucker. I fell in love with her 2 years ago so it was after a year when I initially met her.

    Every reaction that I got from her sometimes decided on whether I had a good or bad day. Its just so hard to tell anybody how I feel. My stomach is killing me, and I cannot eat anything in the morning because I know that ever since she fell in love with her boyfriend. She drives him every day to the lake and works out with him at 5 in the morning! I know this sounds crazy but I have a gut feeling that she is so in love with him, and that the guy knows how to play his cards right, that they will end up marrying each other…. 

    So, the jealousy just keeps on boiling underneath my skin even though I have no legitimate reasons of being like that since I meant shit to her at the most, I was nothing more than an uninteresting shadow of a man who would never be considered by a long shot to be boyfriend material.

    I just.... know that this is all wrong but the fantasy of me being with her is killing me. I tried to be calm about it, and throughout these years I stayed in the shadows because I was and still am afraid of ridicule from her, as well as other people since I do not have anything to offer her (money, looks, an interesting personality, nothing).

    I supported her as much as possible from those shadows donating anonymously whenever she had fundraisers for a benevolent cause, but still in the end I have so much regret that I am really nothing more than a fool. I just wish I was shallow. I wish I was a person who was into one nights stands and all of those things .

    What makes matters even worse is that I know I will never get any sympathy in return from her. I think she would just laugh at me if she knew what I was going through, or she would call the police, and freak out. My life just continues to feel so empty and lonely, and I cannot seem to break free of her. No other girl seems attractive to me to the point to which I could really fall in love again.

  6. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello Crimsonsorrow,

    I can understand that you feel sad about her, i don't want you to reject this feeling - i want you to accept your sadness - i want you cry, i want you express your feelings, write a letter to her (for you to keep however) with all your feelings and all your thoughts about her.

    Although i fully understand why you do this, this person is a external factor that you shouldn't let to affect your mood too much. You can have a fantastic day with or without this person, lets try to prove this - i want to think for some moments what you enjoy doing and just go and do it.

    You say "No other girl seems attractive to me to the point to which I could really fall in love again." - this is understandable at this point as you feel sad, maybe you also feel angry with her. As i have also said, i want you to feel sad, i want you to cry - your future will include a lot of happy moments for you, you will meet a attractive girl.

    Negative/bad things happen to all of us, however there is always a reason why everything happens - there is a reason why you didn't ask this girl, i understand that right now you won't be able to see this reason.
    Now you are probably thinking something like "why did this happen to me", ii can understand this however i would like to tell you that this is absolutely normal as this is just happened.
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