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an online friends anxiety is pushing me away

emily91

Well-Known Member
#1
and I don't really know how to tell him.

he's a good friend I talk too by email, but my issue is if I don't respond with in.. half an hour or an hour, he starts emailingm e askingm e where I am, where I am, please reply right now to tell me you're okay, etc

I'm not aware he has any anxiety issues (we met because of another shared experience), and I don't know really how to tell him: look, I have a life outside emailing you every moment kind of thing

I defenetly don't want to seem selfish or heartless (he knows I'll always write if something happens, he knows I'm always their for him), but I'm not sure I can keep this up- just to drop everything to tell someone I'm okay

thanks

xx
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Tell him exactly what you wrote here, that you cannot just drop everything to tell him you are okay. Half an hour? That is a bit over the top, you need to kindly tell him to back off a little. Ask him to please respect boundaries and you have other things going on in your life that you need to tend to first. Other things are of higher priority.

Don't let him keep doing this to you 'cos it could get worse and its unfair on you. Go on, you can tell him gently and softly that you need your space. *hug x

@emily91
 

emily91

Well-Known Member
#3
thanks for your reply.

I will, well, build myself up to it

not so good when it comes to stuff like this as I'm afraid of hurting people's feelings

I don't want to forever be the bad girl in all of this. lol
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
I definitely know how you feel when you say you are afraid of hurting other's feelings but sometimes there comes to a point when you have to put yourself first for your own state of mind, I know its not an easy thing to do but its the correct thing to do.

Maybe write him a well thought out e-mail explaining you don't wish to sound mean or uncaring and that you have thought about this a lot and you must protect your own mental health first. You know him better so you will know what to write that be won't react too negatively to and if he really is your friend he will understand *hug
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#7
I think that explaining to someone that you're not sitting there with your phone all day isn't unreasonable. Tell him that you have shit to do and you'll be doing it so not to worry -- then disconnect for the day (or do whatever you like)
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#8
The guy seems to be having attachment issues to the point of generating a claustrophobic environment. Just as the others have said , let him know straight that your life doesn't revolve around solely replying to his messages. Maybe just tell him that you appreciate his concerns and you know that he is there should need be, but at the same time you need time and space to get on with things in your life and you'll reply when you can.
 
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KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#9
I agree with the above. You have the right to want and to expect to have your own life and live it on your conditions nobody else's. I would let him know that also.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#10
If he expects you to email him every half hour to reassure him that you're ok, he's got much bigger problems than just anxiety. But that's not your problem or responsibility. Tell him to get help, and that in the meantime, you won't be participating in that anymore, because it's not healthy for either you or him.
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#11
If he expects you to email him every half hour to reassure him that you're ok, he's got much bigger problems than just anxiety. But that's not your problem or responsibility. Tell him to get help, and that in the meantime, you won't be participating in that anymore, because it's not healthy for either you or him.
Agrees, it comes across as if you are supposed to be at his beck and call and live for him.
 

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