An ultimatum..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dikta, Sep 12, 2016.

  1. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    So yeah..
    I now find myself in a dilemma.
    I got an ultimatum I do not quite understand.
    I want to drink myself senseless and just not wake up. But on the other hand.. I can't yet. Can't get myself to do it.

    So I got an ultimatum basicly by my boyfriend.. To either apparently cheat on him, since he thinks I want to do that or I'll basicly.. Lose him. He at least won't visit me and I'm sure by the way it is, it's more than just a visit he'll cancel.

    I know it may seem like an easy decision to some people. But I just can't do either.
    He is the love of my life, my soulmate.
    I have around a month on me to do this.. And I should tell him when it's done.
    I can't get myself to do it, because how can that prove my love for him? And I feel sick by the thought, I don't want to hurt either of us that way. But I can't live without him. I know that as a fact.

    I thought maybe I could just say I did it, but what if he'll ask questions? Since I will have no answer. I don't even remember what or who I was supposed to have written the stuff to. And I did under the influence of alcohol. Plus I'd feel bad for lying, since then he'll think I have..

    So yeah.. I'm atm sitting here. Having plans on drinking and at least hurt myself badly. Not suicide.. Not yet at least.
    And I feel worthless enough as it is, for having written what he says I did. So please don't tell me I'm a bad person, I know that.

    And with this said. I do not want others to think it's a good idea to hurt yourself or drink, it's just.. Bad ideas and no one deserves to feel the need to.
    You're all deserving to live and feel good about yourselves.
  2. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    You aren't worthless and you aren't a bad person. But I'm not sure getting drunk again will help you feel better. You were very kind and supportive of me and I think you are a good, sweet person who deserves happiness and peace, though I now how hard that is to get. Please write soon on here and lets talk more. I really hope you feel better soon. And please don't hurt yourself. Consider not hurting yourself a favor to me, if that's the only way that you can fight it, because I don't want you to hurt yourself.
    calvinandhobbs likes this.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    ummmmm your boyfriend i am sorry is not a friend he is an abusive idiot and you even listening to his bs is not understandable to me time to walk away from him and friend a real person who cares abt you and wants to protect you not harm you none of what you posted makes sense there is no choice you take care of yourself and you walk away and find someone who truly truly loves you
    calvinandhobbs and SillyOldBear like this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, that's a really band ultimatum he has proposed. To hell with him, you can do so much better. You are a lovely person just the way you are and you deserve better treatment by your partner, I am sorry but his ultimatum is bizarre to say the least. Please do not drink, it will make you feel even worse. I do not drink because it has severe side effects on my mood, please don't drink and either get your boyfriend to wise up or find someone better who will treat you with love, care and respect just like you deserve!
    calvinandhobbs and SillyOldBear like this.
  5. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I'm glad to hear your words and that you answered.
    But I know he sounds like a not nice person, but he is.
    I know that he wouldn't want me to harm myself
    calvinandhobbs likes this.
  6. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    And I know also he wouldn't want me to commit suicide, he is a very kind person and it has always been that way.
    I do understand why it is as it is, since I made him sad by it. Just hurts that he thinks I meant it and gave me this ultimatum.
    So he usually is very caring and loving. And he's the only one I want, so.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I understand, is he the type of person that will laugh off his ultimatum or say he never meant it. I am glad he is usually kind to you, that is lovely. Caring and loving are also beautiful traits, but you do need to explain to him that his ultimatum is ridiculous and if he can't see that then it speaks volumes about him as a person :)
  8. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Well I mean.. He has said stuff before as jokes, that I take badly. Although it's been awhile. So I'm actually not sure about this, since it's more serious.
    And yeah, he is a wonderful person. Which is why I find the ultimatum so weird.. He himself doesn't know how it'll help, but it's the way I can prove it apparently.
    So yeah.. I just hope it'll get better, since I just want to live and be with him. And at least I want to support some people before it happens.
  9. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    He just want to "test" you.

    It's a paranoiac and manipulative behavior. I'm worried for you, his behavior is typical of abusive people.

    Make him know that you will not accept crazy ultimatums and that if he wants a relationship with you, he will have to trust you.

    Good luck
  10. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Thank you for your concern.
    But based on the past, I won't say that he is. He is actually very caring and loving. And I know why he doesn't like the idea of me self-harming and such. But it's something personal, so.
    And yeah, this is also new to me how he acts.
    I'm used to a few days after I've hurt him, that it's a bit different in the way we write and talk. So I'm mostly just worried. Since it just hurts that he does it this way.

    But I hope and think it's just because of how he feels just now
  11. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I usually can tell him about if I feel like it and such, but tbh... I fear he won't care just atm. Because of the emotional state he himself is in.
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Look after number 1. Yourself. I am with @Northern on this. This is the typical behaviour of an abusive person. I hope he sees sense soon and stops making childish ultimatums. If he doesn't trust you that is his issue, not yours. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship myself, its not nice. Looking back on it now I have no idea why I stayed with that dick (pardon my french). Take care of yourself and keep us updated, don't fall into the same trap I did.
  13. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I'm glad to hear you are concerned. And maybe I'm just naive or stupid.
    But I'm sure he isn't like that. Since he never meant the jokes and such to hurt me and I actually have a problem with getting jokes.

    But I just can't think like that of him, since I know he is different.
    And don't get me wrong, I'm sorry to hear you've been in a relationship with an abusive asshole @Petal

    But I just know he isn't like that. But I sadly fear it's worse than I thought. About the situation just now.
    So the ultimatum makes even less sense.
  14. electricalanomaly

    electricalanomaly too sad to say hi.

    Give him the benefit of a doubt? Don't act on this ultimatum? Instead of drinking yourself to oblivion, why not go outside and go for a walk? Come home refreshed, shower and sleep. Try again tomorrow or better yet, forget about it. Forget the conversation ever happened, a better idea.

    It's a silly idea to ask someone you love to cheat on you. What's even sillier is, me giving advice and having never been loved.

    You matter to me.
    ghostangelcake7, Frances M and Petal like this.
  15. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Well I am, but I just fear it actually will be the end by October if I can't prove it to him otherwise.
    And well I would, but I fear I might scare my mother by leaving her house at 03:45 in the morning kinda.

    Well yeah, I think so too. Especially to prove that you love the person you love.

    It's not silly, I'm glad you at least gave an advice anyway and you'll find love one day.
    And thank you
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thanks hun, it is easy to get trapped into someone's else's world/trap. Make sure everything you do is because YOU want to do it. I believe you when you say he is kind etc.. just be kinder to yourself and forget the ultimatum and hopefully he wont' bring it up again. When it gets bright get out for a walk to clear your mind, have a long relaxing bath and just forget about everything, get lost in yourself and have some ''you'' time.
  17. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I must say, he does not sound like a wonderful person to me. He sounds like a jerk. The idea of spending my entire life with someone who issue ultimatums like this is most unappealing. I think you deserve better.
    ghostangelcake7 likes this.
  18. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I can imagine, especially if you feel self-loathing and down. Please don't get mr wrong, but I've before known that feeling. Before I met my love.

    And I've never done anything I didn't want to with him. Except this he asks if me.. I just can't.
    And I've hurt him more than my heart can take, so yeah..
    But he wrote goodnight around an hour ago.. But not the usual one. So I'm even more destroyed.
    But yeah. I'll try that and thank you, so much for taking your time to read it and answer. It means a lot :)
  19. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Thank you. But it's also the first ultimatum he has ever given me. But I know I made him sad by it, I just.. Don't get why he won't believe me. I mean.. We've been through so much together..
  20. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Dikta, was this done by text? Are you sure it was him who wrote that to you? Is he perhaps drunk writing something like that to you? Is he the type to "give you a taste of your own medicine"? Firstly, cheating on him because he says he "knows" you want to anyway, is not dignifying yourself at all, please keep high standards and refuse to do this for anyone, it's a very abnormal type of ultimatum. So what happens once you do cheat on him, give him the details and he believes you. How on earth will he ever trust you again? How will you trust him, knowing that he is so easy to tell you to "go somewhere else" for love and affection? It just doesn't make sense. I would never let anyone dictate my intimate life like that, it sounds like he's trying to control you and play with your emotions. I'm sorry to say all that because I know how much you love him!

    I know how upset you are and that you've been walking on eggshells, but at this point, I really think you need to tell him why you sent him that message that started this whole thing. Be honest with him, but again, do it by phone, not text. You might lose him, yes, but do you really want to stay desperately with a man, knowing that you'll do anything he wants you to do, no matter how hurtful and humiliating it might be? Please don't drink, take care of yourself and don't let this weaken your resolve! xxxxx
    ghostangelcake7 likes this.