an unforseen complication in my plan

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by rick, May 29, 2007.

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  1. rick

    rick New Member

    Interesting twist in my story. Apparently with out my knowledge my wife has been monitoring my online activity. She contacted my p-doc who suggested a trip to the hospital. My choice: either go willingly or a call to police to take me not so willingly. I went with the former. After 8 hrs observation I was allowed to sign myself out with my p-docs ok. It really was a case of making all the right noises and they were more than happy to release me.

    A little backround. As a child I was periodically treated for emotional problems. Group and private therapy, and some drug therapy. I went untreated throughout adulthood. Periods of depression, mania (generally manifested as uncontrolled rage). I about 15years ago I began treatment for bipolar disorder. Have been on a number of anti-depresents and mood stabilizers. The big change came about when, after complaining to doc, we decided to make a change from zolof to efexor. All hell broke lose. It was like a fog had lifted. The dulling of my senses was gone. I could see where the constant worry about my "condition" had so dramatically affected the lives of my family and friends. Not a pretty picture. My thinking was of course altered. I determined that their lives, and especially my wife's,
    Would be improved by my absence. At fist I thought I could just disappear from their lives, but thought that would be cruel, not knowing what happened to me. of course contacting anyone after the fact would defeat the whole purpose. So that left me with suicide. Lot's of methods but many are either gruesome or unreliable. So I decided suicide by cop might be my best bet. I determined that a few "socially acceptable murders" would get me there and would make the effort more worthwhile. After a lifelong struggle with depression and mania, not to mention a few other painful quirks I can recognize when bipolar disorder is driving decisions. I am experiencing none of the usual symtoms, like anxiety, grief,depression, or mania. Just a calm resolution.
     
  2. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    It is not the time I can give advice. BUT, I would be very appreciative, in debt, glad, feel blessed, speechless, overwhelmed that my spouse cared enough for me to help me get healthy and stayed with me. Many spouses of bipolar individuals cannot take it and leave. Look on the other side of the coin, you could easily be abandoned by everyone you know.
    That will really make you depressed. You have tons more than most to try to salavage in your life. You have A LOT!!
    just my take.
     
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