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An unfortunate series of events

Bassettherapy

Well-Known Member
#1
My husband has always lived above our means. For 14 years we have slowly but surely been crawling further and further into debt. He is a "look at what I have" type person where as I am very minimalist.
If we split tomorrow (other than the kids and dogs) I could fit everything that I own in one vehicle. He would take several semi trailers or a fleet of uhauls.
The only time in 14 years we have had our head above water was when we were both working a $20 an hour job 70 hours a week. We were on track to get out of debt, bought a new car that he had to have and there was still extra.
And then I got raped at work and couldn't go back. He lost his job for retaliating against the guy but only after two months of them telling him he could come back next week.
My husband has since found a better job and makes more money but not enough to make up the difference.
After several months of being non functional I found a job that was a perfect. It was still $20 an hour, part time and I only had to work with 4 people. I slowly but surely got better. After that business closed I was the only one they called back and had me work in a different job, practically working on my own.
Six months after I had my third child they let me go. I am not sure if it was being a new mom and not being able to be as flexible with hours, my depression affecting my work performance, a matter of ethics or a combination of all three.
But now I am unable to go back to work because I am at home with the baby and no money for a sitter. I recently lost my license so that complicates things even more and my husband is adimant he doesn't want me going back to work.
With no extras our budget is negative $1000 a month with no fix in sight. We are $300,000 in debt and my husband keeps spending and expects me to magic the money from somewhere....
I don't know what to do. I need to get the taxes done, refinance the house, the car, do a new debt consolidation and I am just completely immobilized because it is so overwhelming.
Part of it is that as soon as I fix it he will just turn around and and get another loan to take up whatever wiggle room I manage to make and then the problem is just worse.
I have given up I think and I can't afford to....
 

may71

Well-Known Member
#2
Sorry to hear this.

Do you mostly want to talk about how you feel about this?

I could try to make some suggestions, but I'd want to make sure that you would want that first.

It seems like you'd both be a lot happier if he could just get his spending habits under control.
 

sassy123

SF hugger
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#3
Hugs hun sorry you are dealing with all of this. I think you two need a serious talk about finances. He needs to realize that you have kids and there needs come first and paying for your home and essentials comes first. I hope you can get this all figured out it sounds really stressful. Maybe get rid of all credit cards but one you have for emergencies and you take over all of the finances and he can be put on an allowance. Hugs stay safe good luck.
 

Bassettherapy

Well-Known Member
#4
He has been on an allowance for years. But he goes and get loans that we can't afford after I tell him no. In the last year he has taken out 15,000 in credit cards without telling me so he could buy guns.
I can't talk finances with him because he absolutely will not have the conversation but I am the one who has to find the money somewhere..... I pushed and pushed it after I lost my job and I honestly think that has something to do with him seeing the other woman.
 

Bassettherapy

Well-Known Member
#5
Suggestions would be more than welcome.
Sorry to hear this.

Do you mostly want to talk about how you feel about this?

I could try to make some suggestions, but I'd want to make sure that you would want that first.

It seems like you'd both be a lot happier if he could just get his spending habits under control.
 

may71

Well-Known Member
#6
Suggestions would be more than welcome
You might want to try calling 211 or visiting 211.org. They may be able to help connect you to some credit counseling.

It would be helpful if you could separate yourself from your husband's financial decisions, but I'm not sure what the law says about that.

Declaring bankruptcy might be an option.
 

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