an unhappy consciousness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by, Dec 15, 2007.

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  1. so i've been here for 22 years, reaping in life's blessings like innout hamburgers. i have a white picket-fence family with oogles of love and they give me unending support.
    i do well in college, but rarely try hard
    i don't have money problems
    i'm really good looking
    i'm a beaming example of moral certainty and generosity
    and i hate myself.

    i have no reason to hate myself.
    this makes me hate myself even more.
    now it seems like every day i feel worse and worse.
    sometimes i feel like the only thing keeping me here is empathy... people would be devastated if i died.

    i didn't noticed until i started writing this... but sometimes i hit myself, really hard, and especially when i'm stressed. it doesn't help though
    because i don't have anything REAL to be stressed about
    and this stresses me even more...

    writing this isn't helping either
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I don't know what to say to make it better for you. But I do know what it is like to really hate yourself. So if nothing else, I share your feelings and pain. If you want to talk pm me. Hope that you can start to like yourself again soon. Try staying here at SF and giving some of the members a chance to help you too.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    We can't always control how we feel. Even though it seems as if everything in our lives is going as it should be and there is no apparant reason for these feelings. Sometimes i think that makes it even harder because we simply cannot understand why. Depression, self hate, etc, does not care who it strikes or what the background of that individual is. There is no rhyme or reason as to why it strikes as it does. The only constant about it is that is has the capacity to destry you should you let it. I wish there were some profound words of wisdom I could give you that would make it all go away. In truth there is nothing I can say or do to accomplish that. It does not have to be this way forever. Many people do overcome the throes of depression to go on and lead happy productive lives. Yiou may be one of those, you never know. Please continue on with the fight in the hopes that it can change for the better. :hug:
  4. aqaq22

    aqaq22 Well-Known Member

    I say this a humbly as I can. I mean no grandiosity, or seek any spot light by saying this.

    I've got alot too. I'm not working to get it. I';ve completely isolated myself. Used to, I'd sit and hate myself all the more for having it so good, and still being so miserable. it made it even worse, and I began giving fairly large chunks, and small chunks of it to people. That would make me feel better. Knowing that it was atleast going to be used more toward happiness by others. It really was/is like other people deserve this more than I do, because, they wouldn't let it "go to waste". They would use it. enjoy it.

    Anyway...I have no magic bullet for ya. It made me smile to see that another person has these feelings though. (not that I wish them on you, no, i do not do that at all, but, if you feel, them, so do I, that's all). But, people look at me. They see I have nice things. They don't understand, "why are you so isolated, and unhappy?" I wish I could tell them. If I knew how to, I would. So, mostly, I avoid talkin' to anyone. :dry:
  5. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I don't think we need to have a 'reason' to hate ourselves or a 'reason' why we see life as pointless. Even rich people with everything can feel empty and in your case, you must have a great family, but doesnt mean everything should be peachy for you. Dont worry if there isnt an obvious 'reason'..

    BOLIAO Guest

    if everything is fine in your life and there is no reason to hate yourself but you feel depressed about life, perhaps you are just having some chemical imbalance which can be rectified by Anti depressants.
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