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An uphill climb to the bottom

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Wishbone, Feb 19, 2008.

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  1. Wishbone

    Wishbone Member

    Greetings. Rarely do I see a case similar to mine.
    I recently visited your website and other sites concerning Suicide Awareness and Prevention.I noticed there seems to be more attention on Teenagers and on the Elderly. Unfortunately, I fall in between. After reading
    this you may agree with me that i should kill myself.
    I am a male approaching forty five years old currently under treatment for Depression at a local clinic. My wife died suddenly in 1993 of a heart condition(Severity was concealed from me by herself & family). Our marriage lasted approx six weeks (no kids).
    Since then I feel myself eroding from the inside out.
    The articles published state that Men complete Suicide more than Women. Especially unmarried men with no kids. They may state some of the reasons, but no solutions. Could it be that this society poses undue pressures that some people cannot overcome? For instance:
    As an individual, nothing is guaranteed. However, you, as an individual are required to guarantee results
    to your Employer, guarantee payments to the bank for your car loan, guarantee payments to the bank for
    your mortgage and pay taxes. If you default, damage to your credit and reputation will occur. Can you do the same to your boss when they lay you off ? No.
    My Psychiatrist agrees with me on this, and says as unfair as it is, I need to work within this system somehow.
    But suppose I'm no longer able to ? What alternatives do I have ? Where can I go ?
    Despite what you hear, there is very little help available. Only medication and talk therapy. It does not help.
    My inner resources have been slowly eroding. Like a rock under constant running water.
    I try to meet women, but most of them give me dirty looks and if i manage to go on a date, they bum a free dinner and say they don't want to see me again.
    They say Suicide is wrong and unnecessary. But is it ? It is more than just staying alive. You have to stay alive and PRODUCE despite personal hardships. Is it political ? Maybe it is, because you pay taxes
    regardless whether you like your job or not, miserable or not.
    A hospital may be able to keep you alive, but unless you earn your own money, you end up a burden to someone else. I, for one do not want to be a burden. I don't think an agency or person wants it either.
    But if Suicide is wrong, I may not have a choice.
    In this country men in their thirties and forties are expected to help themselves. To be providers, to have solid careers, and to have answers. If one is unable to do this, he is tossed aside and forgotten. They say no one owes you a living. Why then do I owe money to live?
    Thank you for your Help.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Although not a male, I feel and understand your pain all too well. I'm a single mom ( recently divorced) just turned 44 and due to my mental health issues, not able to seek employment. I have been "unemployable" for 5 years now. The bills and debt are guaranteed all the time and the phone calls for the same are daily. But there is no guaranteed way for me to get out of it. And it was accumulated by trying to live this no guaranteed life, trying to keep a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and paying the taxes that keep it so I can live like this. When things get too unbearable, the therapy and pdocs no longer work, the meds unaffordable and just as ineffective, the thoughts and plan for suicide loom. But then I'm told, that's not the answer, it's wrong and immoral. And all the promises of support and help are worth as much as the paper the debts are printed on. Slowly, you are forgeotten and pushed to the side. So I owe to live and live to owe? Where is the silver lining? The light at the end of the tunnel? This is how the rest of my life is to be played out? Don't thinks so!
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Ya it often feels when you read about suicide and various bits of literature that gets put out by NGO's, its clearly targeted at teens or older people. Government campaigns and public spending is also targeted at these age brackets. Its all a bit silly really. Im a 30 something male btw.

    The odds for single men with no children arent good. Lets look at some facts.

    - As a single male you either have no children or rarely see them. I know it use to be the case that men with children who went through a divorce had stuff all chance of getting custody. I think thats changing very slowly.

    - Your locked out of the housing market, at least here in Aus, owning a house on one wage is impossible unless your earning some serious, serious money.

    - Males traditionally arent the best at looking after themselves. They drink too much, eat too little or the wrong foods, over work or under work, lose interest in exercise etc. Its a well known fact that married men, with a wife that cares about them and keeps them on the straight and narrow, live longer lives than single guys.

    - Single men are much more likely to take up substance abuse of some kind or another.

    For me, the business of working 5 days a week and living a dull, boring, confused personal life is getting increasingly difficult to take, im sure its the same for both males and females, but wheres the adventure, wheres the fun?. Thats what kills me. Every day is like sunday. Its my own fault, it really is, but its so damn easy to get trapped into a situation where you have no ties, no old school friends, no family etc etc...literally nobody to enjoy life with, thats whats happened with me.

    When you can no longer cope with work everything gets 10 times worse, life is very expensive these days, Ive been there, lived on welfare for over a year at one point, I can definately empathize with your situation.

    Ive never bought into the fallacy that suicide is immoral or wrong, so fortunately thats not something that I would take into consideration. Just the usual questions about whether I can make life worth living and how much damage I would do to the few people that care.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi wishbone, thanks for sharing. i'm very sorry to read about your loss, what a terrible shock.

    yes, there's lots of literature directed at teens, and it's true they are a high risk population, but as we all know depression can hit at any age. i just turned 42, and am fighting against these feelings right now.

    meds and talk therapy help for some, but there are other resources. maybe you will find the ones that work best for you? some people find a support group, or meditation, or changes in diet and exercise help. me, i'm willing to try anything because left to my own devices i'd already be dead. don't let yourself get pushed to the side. keep fighting.

    i truly believe that everyone has gifts to share with the world, and your journey through depression has given you unique insights into the dark side of the soul. how you will use this insight i don't know, i just aks that you don't give up yet. you have found happiness in the past and you will find it again,

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