and again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Malcontent, Jun 10, 2010.

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  1. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I was actually beginning to think that maybe I was past being suicidal. Ha, fat chance. Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to be someone who didn't want to kill themselves constantly, someone who could actually be happy just being themselves. I wish I could write what I want to do to myself right now but it's too graphic. I wish there was someone I could talk to about this who wouldn't be hurt by it. I want to cut but someone would see it and then blame themselves. I have no release for these feelings, I don't think posting here will help but it's worth a try. I could stop feeling like this if I really tried, but it wouldn't be gone. I'd just bury it like I always do and it'd sit there eating away at me until the next time I break down. I'm nothing, just an empty shell of real person. I'm a good fuck and nothing more, though I'm sure there are some that would say I'm not even that. I know how I could do it and I know when to do it so that I wouldn't be found for hours. The plan is forming in my head without me even trying. It'd be so easy. I wonder how long it'd be till my friends found out or even started to worry. The sad part is I think it'd be several days at least. For once that's not depression talking, it's true, I could slip quietly out of people's lives so easily it scares me. All I have to do is make that one decision and I don't know what's stopping me anymore.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: You can PM me if you want to. I won't be triggered or hurt by anything you say, and maybe venting will help you in some way. I'll be around if you feel like talking.
     
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Later, Skype, Me, You, Probs the other 2 usual suspects, Singing, Laughs, Me making a fool of myself, You smiling, You laughing.

    You know you can talk to me anytime :smile:

    OH!! and i smiled but i am wearing underwear!! PERV!
     
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