And... again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Jul 8, 2012.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Here I go. Sinking. Like a brick in a swimming pool. Not that fast, but fast enough. Am not sure, as normal, what the cause of me feeling so taught. Having such difficulties controlling my breathing. First night like this for a little while. :( Not sure what to do, all logic appears to go out the window.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am here if you want to text/talk...hold on to people who care and know how important you are
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks, but its not your job to be there for everyone. Esp not for me.

    Its no ones job actually.

    And thats because I have to do it myself. Plus I'm not important.

    And finally, irl, those who care - truly care - are not evident/existant. Many haven't been in touch at all since the funeral. It could be said thats their issue, I understand, however it is still difficult to deal with.

    But, thanks.
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am around my friend.
    You are important, but unfortunately that mask you wear is convincing.
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I should feel good, I've been doing work for the last 7 hours or so, and got a lot done. But I don't. Why is that? Finally I've been able to complete something and I dont feel that sense of satisfaction, or that I've really accomplished anything. All I can think about is SH'ing, I don't know why. Even being that busy and this stuff is still on my mind. Bloody nutter :wallbash: I've come to somewhat of a conclusion that I'm away with the fairies, a brick short of a house, not working on all cylinders etc. etc. It scares and upsets me because it truly validates all my ex said. Yes, it was many years ago, but sometimes it feels like it was yesterday. I don't know really. Its early yet to be getting so worked up and bothered. I'd really like to get some gardening done but my body isn't cooperating lately. I want to live, to laugh, to accomplish something in my life. But if that isn't going to happen, or if I'm always going to be this way and can't change, then what? I realize my future is in my hands, it is just so difficult to tackle anything lately. Crap - sorry - I don't know :cry:
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    anyone around to talk for a bit
  8. Anon1992

    Anon1992 New Member

    Hey Mo, We haven't spoken before but , I'm always ready to chat to someone if you want to =)
  9. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Yes, I am, if you'd like
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    just back from physio Mo..are you ok??:
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist


    I'm sorry, thank you.
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