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...And here I live.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by AnomymousX, Nov 16, 2007.

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  1. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    I'm very ignored, very worthless, and very unwanted.

    I took over 100 pills, and smashed my legs with a hammer on 11/09/07, my mother caught me, she says she "sensed something was wrong", so my parents rushed me to the hospital and my stomach was pumped, I took so many pills that the pump got jammed, then I had to drink charcoal, I threw up for 4 hours.

    Then an ambulance took me to the psychiatric hospital, I stayed there for a week, which I hated because I was a goody-two-shoes in a crowd of druggies. At the time of this post, I left the psychiatric hospital this morning.

    I'll never make an attempt like that again, but I still wish I was dead, or at least never born... I'll always be the ugly nerd who can't get shit. I always pray for death now..
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2007
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Charcoal is the worst..So sorry you had to go through that. :hug: I know what you mean about "a goody-two-shoes in a crowd of druggies." Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
  3. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    Thoughts of a second attempt are brewing, GOD I hate my ugly lame life..
  4. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Chances are, a second attempt won't get you anywhere except back at the hospital, and I doubt you want to be there again, right? What's going on that's making you feel so down?
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I survived ( if you call this surviving) a second attempt. All it does is wind you up here clinging on to some last hope while you plan your third attempt. It's really not a nice place to be. Trust me, the hospital is a walk in the park compared to this.
  6. how can u say 4 sure ur unwanted and unloved, ur mum must luv u enuf 2 keep u alive bcuz she tuk u 2 da hospital.

    If ther is even jst 1 person that wants u in their life then du u not think it would b worth staying, if for nothing else bt so that you can die and have comfort in that you kept atleast 1 person happy and what else is ther 2 do in life
  7. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    Because I'm ugly and I can't get shit, everything in life mocks me and/or ignores me. If I end up back in that hospital, I will for sure kill myself, no joke.
  8. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Hey, Anonymous, Jesus asked out of concern what is making you feel so low,
    then Sick of Happy faces points out that out of concern your parents cared enough about you to do all they could to save your life and your answer is :
    because i'm ugly and cant get shit etc.... ?

    Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder......... know what that means?
    It means it is your own perception..... not how others see it. You might feel you are ugly yet to ones' eyes you are not........ meaning you parents to begin with.

    Should they didn't love you they wouldn't have acted to save your life so that means that they do care and we care when we love hun.

    Life might not be or go as smoothed as you would like but do not put words into others' mouths (your parents for ones).

    Both Jeus and Sick of happy faces are trying to show and offer comfort not forgetting the young lady.

    It is easy to I can't get shit.... everything in life mocks me and/or ignores me.

    How about starting to comunicate? Comunication is a two way highway hun.
    How about telling us what is really going wrong in your life? By sharing you will get other points of view, suggestions (some worth more than others), might even find out that you are not the only one going through what you do....... and find people to relate and can relate to you...... but give it a try, a real try.......... take off the lid and pour out all that is you keep inside. :hug: you aren't alone. Give them, us, a chance.... but you must be active in comunicating ....

    hope you will feel up to sharing what really bothers you ..... it will help you writing it down and knowing ohters know about your pain.

  9. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Looks aren't everything, and if someone tells you they are, then that person isn't worth your time. Maybe..And I know this is easier said than done, but maybe find some friends who don't mock you/ignore you? Don't attempt again, that way you won't end up back in that hospital. Stay safe. :hug:
  10. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    I'm an 18 year old virgin who's lost all confidence, I couldn't get a girlfriend if I tried, and yes, I've tried, and failed every single time. Now I'm getting impatient, because nothing in my life has changed, ever, and life is old now. I can't relate to anyone except a bunch of people on a forum, no matter where I'm some useless nerd that NO ONE wants to waste time with.

    I am thankful that my parents saved me, and I'm barely thankful that I'm still alive. If my life is going to be a repeating wheel of girls dating my best friends and people judging left and right before I even speak? Why go on? I'm not going to wait another 40, 20, or even 5 years just for my life to make a little dippy change... Trust me, if I owned a firearm, I would've taken my life years ago. Trust me.

    Even when I was at that psychiatric hospital I was always the ladder bottom... This isn't over.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 17, 2007
  11. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Anonymous, at a certain age, both males and females are looking for something more apparent and less for what is deep, honest, truth, etc.... all is fantastic, flashy sensational, beautiful, magic, immginary, dreams etc.....they want it all and now......... the greater the better type things... so less interested in something 'realistic' and lasting which I think is what you are looking forward to..... some go as far as to change partner every second day as if it was a marathon or olympics trophy (who gets the most, the most beautiful or awsome wins)...Fortunately this changes over time. You are not far off from that near future when this phylosophy will change for better.

    Over time doesn' t mean a long time in the future even if for you, your age group i mean, even a month seems so far away at times.

    Be a little patient Anonymous. You will eventually meet people for who age, looks, etc have less importance then what is inside a person. You won't have to wait that long.... but you need to work on a few things. Self worth and selfesteem. You do have qualities, put them forward..... let other know what you've got inside as that attracts as much as looks. I am female so I can tell you this. Some females might disagree with me but not 'all' of us look for the most awsome male around for lasting relations.

    Listen, take it as a 'tip' ok....... nothing else than a 'tip'. Being impatient about something makes us make wrong moves, say the wrong thing... etc.
    Try to work on developing or mastering your patience and you will see lots of changes in attitude around yourself in life.

    Jessus is right. If someone tells you that looks comes first, change friends as they are no good friends to be around.

    If I was in your shoes, easier said than done I know, I would try at various places to meet new people. You know being around the same old people all the time, some tend not to notice us anymore. Kind of if we become part of the scenery...?

    Try comunity centers offering activities that involve both genders..... anything that is different from what you do actually. Youve got nothing to
    loose....... and who knows where the miss right is hiding waiting to be found?

    Wishing you good luck and please stay safe.
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2007
  12. Harrowdown

    Harrowdown Well-Known Member

    End is right Anomymous

    i know its hard to see

    i have a helluva time with body image too
    always have
    how can you not with the fucked up messages we get from our glorious drive thru culture
    but its not the be all end
    really it isnt

    End said it better than i can

    and not to minimize at all
    AT ALL
    but i know when youre focusing on yourself with such a magnifying glass things can get blown outta proportion....there was a time i'd look in the mirror and see a fat man when there wasnt more than a skinny kid
  13. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    At least I got something out of this.. I asked a girl out in that hospital, and she said yes! I hope I get to contact her.. I hope she really likes me..
  14. Harrowdown

    Harrowdown Well-Known Member


    just be careful

    romances from the hospital....not always stable.....:unsure:
  15. Up&down

    Up&down Well-Known Member

    You are 18 have the whole world at your feet if you want it?
    I'm really sorry you feel this way but all you need is confidence, girls like confident people, you will give out better signs with confidence,
    if a girl knocks you back it's her loss.
    Feeling as you do it's probably best you go to a confiance build class, I think they do them on line.
    When I was your age I felt just like you do but honestly when I got confidence I never really looked back, you can get out of this with a little effort from you.
    Keep your head held high
    Things can and will get better.

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