Good evening everyone. I don't really know what I expect to gain from this site, or what I can expect to contribute. I've struggled with depression since I was in middle school and was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. None of which was really a surprise... I come from a family of mental illnesses. Up until a few years ago (I'm 29 now) I was a cutter, yeah thought it was a teenage phase but it just never stopped giving relief. But I stopped that. Not that it doesn't cross my mind from time to time when getting overwhelmed. I'm on an anti-depressant now which has lifted me up above the murkiness I was sifting through the last few years. But I still have the mania........ not as bad as most bipolar folks, which is a good thing, but just enough to cause trouble and destruction of relationships. Thoughts of suicide are more and more frequent the older I get... I'm not old, but as the years pass, the optimism of a future that gets better just seems to slowly slip away. I am married, yeah but having undiagnosed bipolar has resulted in many years worth of resentment due to mistreatment on my part - disorder or not, none of it was valid and he didn't deserve it. Still.... I don't know. I hope I can find some comfort or hell maybe even provide some here. Not really sure what it is I am looking for.