And I have destroyed my wife.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by allyn666, Jul 15, 2011.

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  1. allyn666

    allyn666 Member

    My wife has never been particularly easy to get along with. She thinks she is always right, always has to have things done her way. But beneath that she has a really good heart. And I have broken it. When she screams at me I see pure, unadulterated HATRED in her face. It is a very ugly site. I am an alcoholic and drug addict, and last week I had a relapse. I also started to take benedryl and unisom as over the counter sleep aids, because sleep is my only refuge. When she found out she went totally over the top, yelling and screaming and hitting--but the horrible thing was her face. Pure, unadulterated hatred. I can't stand to look at her, and even worse, I know that she cannot stand to look at herself. I have killed everything that was good in me, and now everything that was good in her. I have killed two good lives. Perhaps taking one (mine) can allow the other to heal.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    There is soemthing infinetly sad when someone who loved you looks at you with disgust, dislike or even hatred. :sad:
    Perhaps the time has come to go your separate ways?
    At least then you can set about sorting yourself out rather than be overwhelmed by the destruction and loss of your marriage.
     
  3. allyn666

    allyn666 Member

    It is time to go our separate ways. That is very hard to do. I am used to where I am. There is great comfort here. We should have gone our separate ways many years ago. We stayed together and I have just brought everything lower and lower.
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Well look at it as a new start, a clean slate so to speak.
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know it's hard to do. But once you've separated, maybe you can work on yourself, get some help for the relapse so you're not dealing with it alone?
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Excellent advice from the two ladies above.. Do a trial seperation and see how each of you feel..IN the mean time get some professional help to get yourself clean..I used to be a druggie and am still an alchoholic but I don't drink any more.. The only time I drink is christmas day.. I quit everything cold turkey all by myself.. Try the seperation and see how it works out for you..
     
  7. allyn666

    allyn666 Member

    I am on antabuse, but can still drink some without any reaction. Not sure why. I assume a peculiarity of metabolism. Anyway, my partner has suffered so much due to my faults that I do not feel it reasonable to ask for her help. I have hurt her more than you can possibly imagine.
     
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