Hi. This is a place for me to let it all out, so I'm here to let it all out. Basically, my life is a horror show. I'm 17 and every day is another day for me to wallow in self-pity/hate about who I am and why I'm on this earth. I suffer from POCD which is the chronic fear of being a pedophile. Stupid, I know, but there you go. My fear has stopped me from going out in general in fear of being attracted to a kid or something. I can't see a therapist because I'm afraid of what another person will think of this sad case that you're currently reading. The only person who knows of this is my mother who tells me I'm being silly, and I try to believe her. I've got no job, no friends, and no idea of what I'm going to do with my life, or if I'm even going to have one to lead due to me being suicidal. I've attempted suicide once but aborted it because I could never bear for my parents to feel such pain and sadness at my death. The thought of my parents in anguish at my death is the only thing currently keeping me on this planet.