So I haven't really been on here much for the past couple of months, and now I'm back with a whole new slew of things to whine about. I'll make it easy for you: Short version: 1) Problems with the opposite sex 2) marijuana 3) I just generally feel down Long version: 1) So yeah, this isn't too new but the current situation is. There's a family friend, about a year younger than me (I'm a junior in high school), and we text each other a once or twice a week on average. She's pretty good looking, and I've opened up to her about some things, she kinda coaxed me into admitting that I have clinical depression, and we touched on the causes. now this was a while ago, and since we almost never see each other in person it's very difficult to try and gauge her opinion of me since I told her that. There's also the fact that she recently texted me saying she and her boyfriend broke up, and that we should hang out sometime. Obviously, I interpreted this as possible romantic interest being the hormone-driven creature that I am. And so we talked about when we should hang out and we settled on 4/20. Now I would like to make sure you know that she does not smoke weed regularly, and I kind of do. So then I find out I'm going away that weekend to visit colleges. This set it back 2 weeks because I have a school trip next weekend. So, that little excursion has been put on hold. Now I was hopeful for most of the weekend that maybe she is interested romantically, which would be nice because I like her quite a bit. But I just finished texting her and she is not nearly as open to conversation as before. Now, I've always told myself not to get my hopes up with these things, and this is exactly why. I was so stoked to be in a relationship that I completely overlooked the fact that I probably misinterpreted the offer to hang out. Basically I'm worried that since I got my hopes up already, if she puts me into the "friend zone" I won't take it very well. Can anyone offer me input on this? 2) Ah, the miracle drug. Anyway, as with everything else I'm aware that too much use of marijuana can really fuck you up. I started using it as a sort of kick in the pants when I was feeling really down, to just get me out of the hole I was in at that moment. It worked for the most part, and my general mood improved somewhat. Now I use it on average 2-3 times a week, including almost every saturday night with a friend of mine that also has some demons to escape. I've noticed that I've been craving it recently, which is NOT good. I don't really give in because I know what that leads to, but I'm afraid I'm already in too far. I love the high, it makes it impossible for me to feel down, and I usually use it a few hours before bed so I sleep like a rock and wake up in a relatively good mood. But using it as a crutch certainly has downsides that outweigh the benefits, so I avoid putting too much weight on it, figuratively speaking of course. 3)Yeah, I've noticed that I'm feeling down more often lately, but I think that it's mostly because of the first bit of this little rant. I just go to school every day and see one of my good friends with a beautiful girlfriend who's also very nice and very smart, in a meaningful relationship, and just happy. Now he's alluded to some previous romantic difficulties and a fear of "getting hurt again" but that seems unlikely, considering how happy he and his girlfriend are together. In a nutshell, I'm jealous. I want what he has. I know that high school relationships generally don't turn out to be significant in the long run, but for someone like me who has never been in any kind of relationship, I don't care. I want to know what it feels like to have your feelings reciprocated, to know that you make her happy and she makes you happy. And I think that the more physical pleasures of a relationship should tie in to the emotional pleasures as well, and not just have indiscriminate sex with no emotion involved. I just want to know what that's like, and nearly everyone I know does except me. It just makes me feel so bad.