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And it starts again

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by thebrain, Sep 5, 2008.

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  1. thebrain

    thebrain Well-Known Member

    So I went through a really tough time a few months ago when I was incredibly depressed and suicidal. It started after one of my friends killed himself in November and got increasingly worse until it hit its peak in June. (I'd had issues before this, but this one was the worst yet). I suddenly stopped getting depressed everyday in July. I have no clue what happened. I just...got better. It was odd. I still got pissed at people at work and all the other things that used to make me break down, but I was fine. When I realized that I wasn't really depressed I was super excited. It felt so good.

    Now, school's been back in for only 2 weeks and I feel like crap again. The first week was ok, but this week has broken me. I started feeling just plain odd (that's how it starts for me) early in the week, and now I feel like it's June again. It's especially bad today. I woke up this morning and realized that if my boyfriend broke up with me, I wouldn't have anyone to talk to at all. I literally do not have friends. I wouldn't leave my apartment except for classes if it weren't for my boyfriend. Just that made me feel so lonely and worthless and now I can't shake it. And he's digging himself into such a hole financially, he's getting depressed and I can't help him at all.

    If this is how it is after only 2 weeks, I don't know how I can make it through the whole year. And school is all I have. It's all I've ever been noticed for. When I graduate...it's either grad school, where I'll most likely fail or a job that I don't know exists. I'm going nowhere...and I have nobody to go there with.
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey there, I'm sorry for the late reply I've only just seen your thread. How are you doing today? How's school?

    Do you know what 'triggered' you into feeling like crap again? Do you think you could talk to a tutor at school about how you're feeling?

    I do understand when you say you have no friends and fear if your boyfriend leaves you, you will be alone, it's a scary and daunting thought. Perhaps you could meet up with some of his friends and get to know them, expand your circle of friends, maybe take up clubs in school. Start with the small talk to break the ice and down the line the friendship can progress.

    I hope things get easier for you, in the meantime whenever you wanna chat or vent or anything we're here, also feel free to PM me. :hug:
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