And Scum wins the 'most pathetic reason for being suicidal' award.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Scum, Feb 26, 2010.

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  1. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Polos. No less. (for those in the US, those are little hard mint things). I have a stupid psychological addiction to them. They ease my anxiety and they help with my stomach issues. I have no hope for either of those easing because I have no professional help for either. I don't have enough inside me to fight it because I'm too busy fighting so much other shit.

    My teeth are going to pot, and I hate that. They were always so good. I feel so, so trapped by this. I've been suicidal for years but this is the thing right now that is making suicide seem the only way out. Not right now, not today, not imminently, but eventually, I think it will be polos. I wish I could stop, that I could have the help with my anxiety, in particular, and then it would ease. It's yet another stupid symptom of my loser life.

    Ha ha. How pathetic am I!
  2. xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx

    xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx Well-Known Member

    hun, have you tryed to use somthing less damaging on your teeth, such as anti acids?? they help me in almost the exact same way and it dont ruin you teeth!!!

    i dont think your just have alot on your plate right now and this is really the last thing you need on top of all that.

    *hugs* PM me if you wanna talk about, i'll be praying for you x
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You're not pathetic!! :hug:
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thanks :) No, anti acids don't work. The exaccerbate the problems, which is ironic :| Thanks though :)
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Try not to be so hard on yourself. You use the Polos because they help you, and that's okay.
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    a lot of us have an 'addiction' of some sort so don't be too hard on yourself for yours...
    have you spoken to the doc about your stomach problems?
  7. fullofpain

    fullofpain Member

    I read your post and you made me cry. Why? 'cos you call yourself Scum. You must go through absolute hell with your depression to warrant calling yourself Scum. Would you consider changing your name? Not for me, but for yourself.? Your name should be Soldierofstrength, because you are still alive and live with depression on a daily basis.

    Take care,
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately though, I am Scum. i'm evil, worthless, a waste of space, nasty and loads of other things too. The name fits, and has done since I first used it. I like it, at least people have a warning in advance about me.
  9. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    How often do you brush? That might help with your teeth.

    However, you're basically using these mints as an OCD individual uses a ritual (this is a condition that often causes suicide). Psychiatric help is available for that.
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    This isn't OCD. I don't have that. I'm just weak and can't stop eating them.
  11. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Didn't say it was OCD, I said it's a similar situation for which there is help.
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Ok, well thank you. Unfortunately, there is nothing left for me in my area.
  13. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Ask your doctor about nexium..I have been on it for two years and haven't had a problem with my stomach since..
  14. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    What's Nexium for? How does it help you?
  15. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Ah, yeh, I've been on Omeprazole, which, from looking at the info, looks pretty similar. My problems are wider than just acid reflux though, unofrtunately. I'm probably faced with something like Crohn's Disease (which is about in our family). These past 18 months or so I have popped up so many new food intolerances, I have constant and chronic diarrhoea nowadays and pass some food out pretty much as it goes in (yes, TMI, but nevermind), my iron level was last at 5.8 but according to my doctor, it has now decreased again because I look so awful, and pretty much I'm falling apart physically, lol. I can't evewn have the tests done because I am phobic of vomit (hence where the polos relate to helping anxiety) and potentially the tests could invoke that (especially the endoscopy). So I'm just trying to manage it the best I can by myself because until my anxiety is manageable then I can't do the tests, but there is no help available to get my anxiety manageable. So I'm sinking lower and lower mentally because of the toll severe anaemia takes on your mind and body, so my anxiety gets worse, etc, and its just a very vicious cycle.

    I'm going to try and stop eating polos by the packet, and have them in just small amounts at the times I would normally eat a packet. So far so good.
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I feel for you. I see you as nothing like Scum or evil. I wonder if there'll be any time in the future where you'd change your name to something synonymous with 'heavenly'. :D

    Although I don't have a polo addiction, I know that severe anxiety.

    Can you remember any therapy work or therapists that made the anxiety managable?

    What's going on with your therapy btw? Are you seeing anyone at the moment? I remember there were problems back in December..
  17. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thanks, but no, definitely nothing 'heavenly' related :D

    No one has really helped me cope with the anxiety. One therapist saw it as my biggest issue but we didn't get further with the work because it ended, mostly though they focus on SI and dissociation and stuff. I think I down play the anxiety because even though its crippling, I was anxious from as young as I could remember, and I thought everyone felt like I did, and to some extent do still feel that, and its 'normal' for me to be anxious about stuff.

    I don't have any therapy or anything anymore. I am without all.
  18. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I dunno, I always understood anxiety being the foundation for dissociation and the cutting linked to that. That dissociation happens because the anxiety is so so severe.

    Would you like to see another therapist? Or are you wanting a rest from it all?
  19. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    There is no point seeing a therapist. I'm too broken to be fixed, its a waste of their time and a waste of mine. I was looking for someone to help 'maintain' me and help me stay stable and prevent crisis, but that search ended in a CPN who did wonders for making me feel more worthless than I already do. I've just accepted I'm going to be a fuck up forever now. It would have been nice to have someone walk this journey with me and help me through it but why would anyone want to? I'm just an evil fuck up. Those that do are just out to get me and hurt me and test me and eventually kill me.
  20. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    il walk the journey with you........ :hug:
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