Mostly because I'm not sure where else to go. I have probably been suffering from depression most of life. From time to time, I've thought of suicide, but it's only been in the last three years that I tried any serious attempts. My first was an overdose of Valium, which simply knocked me out for 24 hours. My second attempt a year and half later was self strangulation. That didn't go so well and I was preparing to rig up something to hang myself when a friend intervened and got in a hospital. I spent four days in involuntary confinement and was released after they doubled my meds, which helped. But it's still a battle from time to time. My work schedule is opposite most peoples, but I do love my job and am most calm during my work week. But it's the days in between that are the problem. I usually far apart and wind up a recluse those days. I have a fear of calling people because I believe I'm just interrupting their lives. The loneliness is enough to bring thoughts of suicide back, sometimes strong, sometimes not so. I am under the care of a psychiatrist and am working slowly to get a handle on my life. But I there is next to nobody that I can truly talk to. It either frightens them or they can't understand why I can't just be happy. So, I've come here in hopes I can find a sympathetic ear now and then. Thanks for listening.