And so this this is how crap I am....

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Perfect Melancholy, Jun 12, 2010.

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  1. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I tried to overdose last night, I figured it was the only way forward to get out of this mess, and everything that is going on in my head. It didn't work, now I am sat here unsure what to do, I pretty much closed all the doors for my opinions pushed people away, and now I wish more then anything it had worked that I had succeeded, instead I feel sick, my stomach is hurting like mad and I am unsure if I have the strength to even bother any more
  2. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member

    :hug: :console:
    I'm glad you are still here sweetie. <3
  3. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    you say you slammed all the doors, well they might be able to be re-opened and theres always a window

    im glad you are still with us, and i know how it feels to have the stomach pain after an OD. but since youre here, i think its time to make a change
  4. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    :hug: I like what you wrote. I'm just glad you're here with us.
  5. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    See this is the thing it is like an outer body experience I can see myself pushing people away self destructing my mind set makes me do these things, I was fighting myself to the point this week, I stopped eating for several days, I was not talking to anyone that much in real life I had dissociated myself from the world, like that would justify what I was doing like I needed a reason I deserved all this, and no matter what anyone said to help a voice in my head would twist the words around.

    I shut of when people asked how I was and my moods where all over the place, I did not go for my weekly doctors appointment instead I went to the shop brought some more tablets to take, then last night I looked for a final reason to push myself found it then shut of from the world, yet in my mind I was still battling with myself trying to find a way to reach out and go no you do not need this you have done so well.

    I guess now I am once again paying my stomach is killing me, I feel like I am going to be sick but when I go and try and be sick I just cannot do it. And to be honest it scares me. I still wish it had worked because I am still in the same place I was, okay there might be a bit more hope because I am actually typing how I feel I am facing how I feel instead of repressing it and hiding behind a fake smile.

    I know I should go and get checked out but it has only been a few weeks since my attempt, I am worried what they will do now. Especially since I stopped taking my medication and skipped the appointment,
  6. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    I am glad you are still with us :hug:
  7. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Im sooo glad you failed and that your still here with us! :hug: Rich, if you ever need to talk im here :hug:
  8. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Thank you, I just have no idea what to do with myself now, if I have the strength to continue with getting treatment. -sigh-
  9. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :hug: :hugtackles:
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    rich I believe if you weren't meant to be here you would've succeeded with your OD...
    I'm so glad you didn't succeed...
    you have another chance at life so please get some more takes time so don't give up yet...
  11. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Thank you :hug: but how much time do I give it, if someone is suffering do they not deserve a chance to be free from all that, if I have given up one me how should I expect anyone else not too. -sigh- excuse my rantings I have no idea what to think =\
  12. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I don't know Rich how much time you can hold on but while ever you're here I hope you will reach out and get help again.....
    back on the meds, back to therapy and out of isolation would be a start....
    find something you want to do for yourself you can it join a group, gym, hobby, I there anything you would like to do to make life worth living for you?? :hugtackles:
  13. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    sigh this is it nothing interest me honestly I cannot even get into the world cup and I love football, I am trying to think postivly what can I do seems I am still here. Help people even though sometimes I am not great at that, I guess I have to try and see friends but I feel so out of place like I cannot connect with people anymore, and it drains me to try. I guess I will go to the doctors I know I have to keep trying, and I know it is the depression that is telling me I am not worth it etc it is just to hard to ignore. If that makes anysense at all :unsure:
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Makes perfect sense to those who suffer this rotten illness....
    I'm so glad you are going back to the docs..that's a huge first step..*pats you on back*
    helping people is good ..makes you feel useful and needed...which I believe you are already...
    you have many friends on here and I hope you'll keep reaching out for us to help you...
    take care....
  15. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Hi rich, I'm glad you failed and your still with us. Coming off your meds alone was never a good idea, and I know how scary it is to go and be honest about how you feel, but maybe your doctor needs to know, so they can help you fully. Tell them you stopped taking your meds, and that you attempted to take your life, and that you cannot see a way forward. If they dont know all this how will they help you?
    We are here for you, and if you ever need to pm you go right ahead :arms:
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