And the Cycle Continues...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Oct 31, 2010.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Had some weird advice yesterday from a guy in the psych department. I have not seen him before, actually that is a lie. I have seen him before but I don't remember he told me we had seen each other before but I can't remember him. He remembered me. So I SI again and walked to hospital. While I was there they took an ECG as my heart was going really fast. They ended up keeping me in over night and all day yesterday. I thought I wasn't going to get out until today as they were not going to let me go without seeing someone from psych medicine. I said I wanted to discharge my self as couldn't see the point in hanging around as psych wouldn't do anything and I knew my bloods would be ok, and they had lost my bloods that they had taken in A+E. They wouldn't take my word for it that I hadn't taken an overdose. I know my history and they were concerned as of that (taking overdoses and not saying anything or denying it) they didn't want to take a chance. They said if I discharged myself they would call the police and I would end up being sectioned under 136 until I had had psych assessment. Didn't want that to open so I was forced in to staying.

    Anyway, it was about 8ish when guy from psych medicine came. I was told it wouldn't be until today as dept had closed. He said I should try self harming more often. I thinks as is only weekly or what ever that when I do it it is a build up, so he thinks I should self harm more often and it won't be as bad. I am not going to take that chance though. I could end up in a worse situation than I am now. I told him what I thought of the other guys theory. He said it may not be the course as such but being at uni again, and something could be triggering it, maybe something in the past. I don't know what to think. I kind of feel like a fraud as I can't see anything in the past that would make me like I am now. It's not as though I had a traumatic childhood, nothing bad has ever really happened to me. I don't know what it is.

    I am sick of this low mood. It is making me feel awful. I hate feeling like this. I don't see a way out at the moment and it's really starting to worry me. I am scared incase I get suicidal again. There are some fleeting thoughts, which I did tell the guy about, not in so much detail but, I did tell him. I have really tried to be honest with people about things, and I can't see what else I can do. I have a psychiatrist appointment in a few weeks and I suppose that will help me get what I need. But I am not sure what it is. The guy I saw yesterday said that don't worry about getting caught up in services. People have problems and just wants to make sure that not emergency services I get caught up in like with crisis team or what ever.
  2. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Did I read this right? Someone from the Psych department told you to self harm more often???
  3. Woodsmoke

    Woodsmoke Well-Known Member

    I once gave someone this advice- it's a sad truth that at times you if you don't self harm, the suicidal feeling goes over the edge into actually trying- I think they were trying to convince you to choose the lesser of two evils...

    It's not nice advice, but if you truly get to the stage of suicide attempt, it may be better to self harm than to go ahead and kill yourself.

    *hugs & hugs* I hope you can avoid both, I really do!
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Catherine, he did actually say SI more often. For the reasons that Woodsmoke said. He said it is better to SI than to make suicide attempts as is something that could happen knowing the patterns I have etc.

    Even still though, with the view that the NHS has here I was very suprised to hear it. He said SI isn't the problem, it's just a symptom. But we don't know of what really. He kept saying there must be something that is making me feel like I am doing.

    I can sort of see his point about doing it more often but not as bad. He said possibly I wont feel the need to do it as badly if is something that is a regular occurance. I don't like talking about it in too much detail with people but I said I was scared as I can't stop myself once I have started. It's like something in me takes over.
  5. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Even allowing for the reasons given by Woodsmoke, I'm really shocked at this advice. That's not my idea of professional medical help.

    So presumably 'Stick with the symptoms mate and you're going to be okay' ????
    Nope, this is unacceptable treatment from a mental health professional.
    Sadly, the NHS is seriously lacking when it comes to mental health professionalism. So perhaps I shouldn't be surprised.
    SI is a mental health illness in itself and requires treatment not vague dismissal.

    Once you get used to it, you'll develop some sort of immunity? What if you don't get that far? What if you develop serious blood poisoning or something as a result and it kills you. Will it be listed as a 'symptom' then or the cause of death?
    I'm sorry but the treatment you're receiving isn't good enough. In my opinion it's verging on the edge of clinical negligence.
    You need to be able to talk about the SI. I appreciate that's difficult but that's the help the man was supposed to be giving you. He's supposed to help you get to the stage where you can talk about it, not encourage you to do it more.

    I'm feeling so angry that you've been treated like this. What's your GP like? Can you talk to them?
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    The GP is really good but unfortunatly, I seem to know more about mental health than them as I work in the area so not much point in going back to see him about it. I have been refered on to a Psychiatrist who I will see at the end of the month. I am not sure what they will do. I am not sure if it's to look at the medication I am on etc. The referal was passed from my GP as it's a new thing they have in place where they can't refer you to counselling or therapy without going through the psychiatrist.

    I think the nurse was right in what he was saying though about it being a symptom. He said you can't treat the symptom if we don't know what the cause is. I know I am feeling low etc again and it has spiralled now where I am self harming on a regular basis and quite badly. Before it was only minor self harm and using different methods. I agree with you Catherine that DSH can be an illness in itself, however, for me I think there is more going on as my mood is not right and my mental health is just not right at the moment. I have seen people who DSH and have no other problems.

    I was asked if I wanted to stop the DSH. I said of course I did. But my weird ramblings didn't make sense. How can it look like I want to stop it when I am planning it days in advance? But I do, I don't want it with me for the rest of my life. My legs are in a right mess as of it. I don't want them any worse. By doing it I am making things worse for myself. There is no way I can go in to a relationship at the moment if I wanted to. I can't explain to someone new about the DSH. Not when it is so recent. If I meet someone I do realise there will come a time where I have to tell them about it but I want it to be in the past. Not a recent thing. At the moment though I don't really want to be in a relationship with someone so things are ok there. I need to get my head sorted before I even think about going down that route.
  7. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    It doesn't matter that you know more than the GP about the subject. In fact in some ways it's a good thing. It's your chance to educate him and that will be beneficial to his other patients.
    If you're in a practice of GP's then I would advise sticking with just one of them. Choose the one you're most comfortable with and build up a relationship. It makes a huge difference when you do that. I've been seeing the same GP for nearly 20 years and he knows exactly how I tick. He can spot the mood changes before I can.
    Plus, you have to see the GP anyway. They're the ones who write the prescriptions.

    The psychiatrist will talk to you about your condition and make a diagnosis. If you've already done your research and homework on your condition, then you should be able to give some good input. They will also decide on the meds regime. Psychiatrists can prescribe different meds to GP's because it's a specialist area. Once they've written the initial meds regime, your GP can take it from there. They may also be able to prescribe the 'talking therapies' but you'll probably see a psychologist for those.

    You will know best whether the self harm is a symptom or not and you should trust your instincts with that. It's something that you will need to discuss with the psych.
    You can't treat the symptom ithout knowing what the cause is but sometimes both the cause and the symptom require treatment. It may take a long time to get to the root of your issues and the self harming can't just wait until that's done. You need treatment for it now.

    The illness is preventing you from going any further on your own. You need help and proper help at that. Of course you want to stop but if it was that easy, you'd have done it. It isn't that easy which is why you're still planning it. As for weird ramblings, I doubt there's a person on this site who doesn't ramble weirdly when they're ill. It's part of the illness and we all do it. It's one of the signs that we're out of control and need help. In fact when you see your psychiatrist, tell them all about it.

    I put one sentance in bold here because I want you to think about it. I don't agree that you're making things worse for yourself. I think that what you're actually doing is screaming loudly for help. You're trying to show everyone around you, your family, your GP, anyone else, just how bad things are and how much you need help. It's tragic that you're not getting that help when you're screaming so clearly.
    As for relationships, sweetie, I'm sorry, but there's no way you can take on relationship at the moment and it's nothing to do with the state of your legs. You're just not well enough to take on another persons feelings and emotions. You've got to get your own sorted out first and getting better must be your first priority. Once you're on the road to good mental health you can start thinking about relationships again. When you find the right person, they won't care about the self harm or the scars or anything else. It's you that they'll care about.
    Stay strong and make the most of the psychiatrist's appointment. Write down everthing before you go in and ask lots of questions. x
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