and the drug of the day is...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by amicrazy, Dec 30, 2010.

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  1. amicrazy

    amicrazy Well-Known Member

    I have come to realize, I am a drug addict. When I was an adolescent, I was drinking too much. When I was in high school, I would smoke reef all day when i wasn't at school (in front of/with parents). ive done dxm, salvia, H, poppers (nitrite) and pillz of all sorts. I started coc at 15 and got addicted at 17. it was crak at 19 and i was at my worst. after 3 months i went back to coc, but more than ever. all day, every day. money came from an outside source (parents) and was not too much of an issue. now, i have to grow up cause i'm about to go to medskool (i planned to be one for all the wrong reasons) and i'm worried about the legal aspects, so i quit everything illegal. i'm smoking k2 every night and it messes with my mind. i'm sucking whippets and i'm worried about my brain. im also a bulimic. i was using adhd pills in high school to be thin, followed by coc. but when the uppers were gone, i couldnt stay thin. so i bp, and now i bp all the time. i always have to be on something, doing something that gives me a high. why cant i be drug free for real. why do people always ask, "what happened to you as a child?" I dont have any memory of any (physical) abuse, but I am an effing drug addict. i want to stop being a drug addict.
  2. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    i just got popped for being responsible and getting a sober driver home. unfortunately cops pull people over for driving too safe... or in this case, slowing down to a red light. then delaying punching the gas when it turns green. of course he started questioning us about drugs, and i said i didn't wanna talk to him without a lawyer (cause i had been drinking and im a passanger, so legally he has no right to search me). so what does the officer-above-the-law do when i asked for a lawyer? drags me out of the car, puts the cuffs on way too tight, laughs at me when i tells him to loosen them, slams me against the cop car (then i ask him "what are you gunna do now? bang my head against the side of the door as you put me in?").

    then i remain silent, and he starts threatening that if i don't answer questions he's going to triple my bail. then when im in the holding cell he comes in front of the window with my cell phone reading through all my texts and says "oh man the DEA is gunna love this, you have text messages with drug deals in here, im gunna confiscate this phone" all the time im shouting, SHOUTING at him "don't touch my shit or do anything without a lawyer here" so what does he do? he laughs and shuts the blinds on the cell and walks out of the room. at 2 am he pulls out a phone book and says "ok call a lawyer" with a smug grin on his face thinking to himself "no lawyer is gunna be up at 2 am, so i don't have to provide him with one".

    weed in the car, but he didn't find it on me, near me, but not on me. the guy in the middle seat had an empty bag that "smells like refer" (so says the cop), and i get charged with possession, paraphanalia and MIP, all because I asked for a lawyer, and the guy in the middle seat with the bag that "smells like refer" gets nothing but an MIP.

    this is the second time i got arrested, thankfully this time i wasn't driving. the pig started to make fun of my lawyer when i told him who i wanted to call, saying she told u to do everything wrong and even started making fun of her son (who he thought was going to law school).

    my dad called the police department the next day, furious they confiscated my phone, even the lieutenant he spoke to said officer Dan Jones of the Northville township Police department greatly overstepped his boundaries by going through my text messages and confiscating my phone and threatening to hand it over to the DEA (because the DEA is so concerned with 20 year old kids who buy grams of marijuana). he sent him an e-mail and my father and i are going down there to strut out with my cell phone.

    i guess i just needed to tell my story. but the point is, no more anything for me. even when i try to be responsible and do the right thing, i got in the biggest amount of trouble of anyone in that car, i didn't have anything on me, they didn't do a PBT or a blood draw, yet all that shit in the car was mine because girlfriend driver and boyfriend passanger (with a bag that "smells like refer") say it's mine.
  3. amicrazy

    amicrazy Well-Known Member

    i really hate myself. but i just keep doing it.
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    The pain within - maybe you should take down the name you've put up?

    As for amicrazy, I went off the rails when younger, 15 - 30 ish or so. I'm not drug free now but I only smoke a little reefer which is no worse than sipping a glass of wine. All others drugs apart from prescribed painkillers I need I do not use. I'd like to use them sometimes but have not done so seriously for almost twenty years.

    I hated myself at one point. A speed binge of several months and the lifestyle that goes with it. I got TOLD by friends that i was LOSING IT. I ignored them, ignored family and even ignored myself when the inner voice, your conscience or whatever, urges you to stop.

    I became a scumbag.

    So, amicrazy, you need to get to a point not only were you hate yourself - but were you need to love yourself. This means giving up the bad drugs that always make you hate yourself either using them or hate yourself afterwards.

    your reference to K2, at first I thought you meant a variety of cannabis but as I understand it you mean an artificial cannabis mix sold in shops. This K2 - its dangerous as its a mixture of ordinary non active herbs sprayed with synthetic chemicals that supposedly mimic the chemical reaction of cannabis itself. The herbs used are not tested for use on humans and the chemical used is also not tested although hundreds of millions of often younger people have used it.

    Everyone I know who smoked it said it was harsh and awful stuff. Nothing at all like cannabis effects but some worrying effects that did make some feel jittery or even a bit paranoid.

    The chemical is made in China and imported in various volumes. People spray this onto any old herbs and sell it for almost as much as real cannabis!

    Stop using this dangerous stuff. It is cheap and nasty.

    You can fill a bath tub up with $100 worth of herbs, pour $a few thousand worth of the active chemical on those herbs and sell it for $100,000 after you get some printer to manufacture a slick looking bag to put it in.

    It is WORSE than actual cannabis.

    At least cannabis has thousands of years of usage for us to use as historical data. These Chinese made chemicals have not even been tested on humans in any recognised programme to certify it. The Chinese made drugs come under the 'legal highs' category and there are drugs which are sold on the claims of being like coke and E and speed. All are dangerous and none tested for human consumption. I'm guessing shops that sell this overpriced crap called K2 might sell other 'wonders'. Be warned. Some are addictive and parents and kids ought to be educated about what is out there.

    UK laws did stop several research chemicals being sold including the ingredient in K2 and mephedrone and methylene. Good move really as shops were selling to under-aged youth.

    As for "sucking whippets", in the UK this might mean doing something very wrong to a breed of dog called a whippet.

    Hope this makes you laugh a little.
  5. amicrazy

    amicrazy Well-Known Member

    i know k2 is worse than reef. and the effects of reef are much more pleasant. but i cannot afford to have anything traceable in my system right now:-/ i wish i could just stop everything. i've tried so many times, but every time i kick one bad habit i pick up another that is more harmful. what makes it especially difficult is the fact that i cannot figure out what caused me to adopt all these self-destructive behaviors. i appreciate the reply(ies) and will post if i make any progress. and now... back to the bathroom.
  6. steveoh

    steveoh Active Member

    anyone can become a drug addict, it really all depends on who you hang out with and what you enjoy doing, if you hang with a bunch of friends who smoke, coke or what ever and you all have fun and aren't od'n and dieing then yeah , and you mess with the drugs that are physically are addictive, lol k2 is fd up, its banned in ct
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