And the worst thing is

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pipilo, May 18, 2010.

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  1. pipilo

    pipilo Member

    Hey anyone who's bored enough to read this.
    Ooh! Nice smiley :new: Well this is my first forum post although I have lurked in the chatroom before.
    I'm feeling really lost and scared at the moment but mainy sad. Only the word sad does not quite cover it. Day by day, my despair gets deeper. Pople tell me just to hang on, just to hold on to see the light but the longer I wait, the heavier the burdan upon me. I feel I'm well past the crisis of this situation and still it gets worse. I want to die. I canot express how much I want to die, how I spend my days just lying on my bed or walking about, longing for it. But that's not what hurts me the most. What twists me up inside is that I can't do it; I can't kill myself. I've heard people say suicide is the easy way out. If this is the case, what manner of creature am I that I have not the courage. There have been times when I have made plans and have come so close. So many times, there has been nothing to stop me but my own weak mind. I have resigned myself now to the fact that I can never do it but I an so scared of every minute that flies by. I am feeling such despair that if I don't get out now, I never will.
    So, I hope my rant has aleviated some of your bordom. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad, I just wanted to get this out there.
  2. Pow

    Pow Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums :)
    I'm not sure what to say because I feel the same way but if you ever want to talk i'm here. :hug:
  3. PollyAnna

    PollyAnna Account Closed

    Hello, Pipelo & welcome!
    You are not boring, nor is your suicide story, nor Is anyone's.
    Your story does not sadden us, but makes us concerned to hear you're going through that. Please hold on, pipelo.You, and I both know you deserve to leave, and your life is too precious to end(even though u dont think it is) I know you've heard everything gets better before, but i'm going to ask u to please hold on.
    you seem like a a nice, cool guy who the world would miss if anything happened to u. tell us more of your story so we can understand wholly , please =-)
  4. pipilo

    pipilo Member

  5. All_Alone

    All_Alone Member

    Suicide is the easy way out in the sense that you're running from your problems instead of facing them. But I believe that to be said by non-suicidal people because if they felt how we feel, they'd perhaps see it differently. Ending your own life takes courage. It's like standing in front of two doors knowing whichever one you pick there's no coming back. You're probably scared thay you'd be making a mistake if you went through with it. And you would be making a mistake.

    If you're at rock bottom now, then surely the only way to go is up.

    Hang on in there. Things will get better. You just have to take it a step at a time and take each day as it comes.

    The important thing is you're here with like-minded people and through our own experiences and thoughts, we can perhaps help one another through this.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Pip welcome to the forum.. I can relate..I was on the verge of commiting suicide... The members here didn't let me down.. I know the feeling of loneliness and despair.. Have you seen a pdoc for your depression?? It sounds like you need to be put on meds.. A good therapist is highly recommended.. Do you have any good friends?? Maybe getting out of the house and going hiking or camping would help.. It would get you out in the fresh air.. Watching nature is good too..Something to take your mind off of the things that are dragging you down..I feel for you.. I hope you get some help and keep coming here for support..Take Care!!
  7. pipilo

    pipilo Member

    I'm on meds and I regularly see someone. My friends are great. Everything in my life is great exept for me. I have everything going for me.
  8. Memorical

    Memorical Member

    Pip, I love you so much. You're such an amazing person... I'm not even going to bother expressing how it'd be for me if you were to die, because I won't find the words. You're beautiful, and amazing, and the best kind of person possible to have as a friend.

    I really hope this forum does you good, and everything. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you these past few days about things. I'm sure you can understand that. But I really wish you could see the happier, healthier side of things than this. There is more to life than the blackness you can see... I can assure you.

    And by being like that, you're not fibbing yourself or lying to yourself. You can still be aware of every inch of bad in the world and feel good about things, because in that case you can see every inch of good in the world as well.
  9. Lost45678

    Lost45678 Member

    That was very well-said. I've been extremely suicidal my whole life (even when I was too young to have any real problems), and I know that my depression is the CAUSE of some of my problems, or at least some things that may not have caused problems for others does so for people in my shoes with depression.

    Right now I know that I can come out with a solution to my problems. Trouble is, that will cause a new set of problems. I have always been able to find hope in change, because it's fresh.....eventually the depression takes over again though.

    It's hard to keep starting over again, and again....same result.
  10. shazwackers

    shazwackers Well-Known Member

    Welcome pip..........I'm really sorry that things are so bad for you at the say you are on they need to be changed or tweaked a little if they are not working for you?

    Just to let you know I am thinking of you and keep posting here and telling us how you are feeling.................big hug.............shaz
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