and then it'll all get better

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by black_rose_13, Apr 24, 2007.

  1. when i'm perfect, it'll all melt away and i'll be all better. perfect thin better normal happy thin better thin thin thin happy love happy THIN.

    you can say theres no such thing as perfection but in my opinion for me id be perfect if i was thin. i wouldnt want to die i wouldnt self harm i would see things and hear things i wouldnt need therapy i wouldnt need a psychiatrist id be perfect

    but no. ill never get any better at this.
    i am too weak.
    infact i dont really want to go on
    im never going to be perfect.

    so why am i still breathing???
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    :sad: Sarah :hug: :hug:
  3. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    Hun, don't do this to yourself.

  4. __________________________________________________________________

    she wants me to be FAT.
    " why are you doing this? you need to eat more "


    i will not be fat
    i will not be fat
    i will not be fat

    stupid tablets are calling to me :( im so fucking stupid.

    sarah is stupid
    sarah is weird
    sarah is ugly
    sarah is fat
    sarah is lonely
    sarah is fat
    sarah is boring
    sarah is fat
    sarah is self harming
    sarah is suicidal
    sarah is crying
    sarah is stupid
    sarah is fat
    sarah is A FUCKING IDIOT.

    cant smile cant cry cant shout cant whisper cant feel cant be. basic things and i cant even do them.
    how utterly worthless and useless am i.

    weakness. weak.

    maybe i should just crumble and fall. its so easy to slip. i can feel myself slipping now. slipping away, falling into a deeper hole. noone can get into my hole and i cant get out. maybe ill die in it. maybe ill just be stuck in it forever. maybe ill be miserable forever.

    if thats the case why am i bothering?

    if this is the way it is always going to be, is there actually a point? yes things could change, but i cant live on that tiny hope. ive told my therapist im fine, ive told my mum im fine, ive pretended to be fine and it doesnt work.

    im not fine. i am not okay. i am not.

    i am bottling everything up inside and i am ready to explode. i will not let it out. i cannot. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHH. my own stupidity wont even let me express my own thoughts.

    zoom zoom zoom zip zip zoom zoom zoom whizz the thoughts wont stop running around my head, up and down in circles back to front sideways, back again zoom zoom zip zoom zoom crash bang zoom.

    its 1am in the morning. the house is silent. i want to scream.AGH.

    this is so impossible. unrealistic to try. why am i trying why why? people say there is a little bit inside me fighting for my life, would it not just be easier to kill that bit off? :unsure:

    i'm so hungry :faint:

    Why am i still here :cry:

    Why did i type this? dont read it. it's all a waste of time and a load of rubbish. i'm sorry :cry:
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2007
  5. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Sarah. :hug: