..and then there was one

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by emmahlee, Oct 10, 2010.

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  1. emmahlee

    emmahlee New Member

    yall have your stories up here so i figured since this is my first night on here that i would go ahead and tell you mine...just to get things started for myself.

    im 19 now. just graduated high school in june. when i was 17 and a junior i started feeling suicidal. i distanced myself from my friends and my team (i was on the track team, a shot putter) and kept my music in my ears all day. im sure you know how that goes..

    my best friend at the time was 15 and a sophomore. she was like my little sister and i trusted her completely with everything. i felt it was okay to talk to her about how i was feeling.

    one morning i was sitting in my first period class and she texted me and said that she felt like i didnt want to be friends with her anymore because i hadnt really talked to her lately and she felt like something was up. i told her that nothing between us was changing and that i was going to write her a note.

    i told her that she was my best friend and nothing was going to change that. i continued to tell her that i considered her my little sister and then i told her that i had been feeling suicidal lately. i then quoted the song For Good from the musical Wicked.

    i told her to text me when she was done reading it. i didnt get a text. for some reason i thought that meant that everything was okay. at the beginning of third period ( our third period classes were right across the hall from each other ) i went into the bathroom, for obvious reasons, and i saw her standing there with the girl Sadie. she was crying. it really wasnt unusual to find her crying. she did it a lot and over the stupidest things. when i asked her what was wrong she gave me one of those "what do you think" looks. i looked at Sadie and i told her i could take it from there. when she left, my friend sat down against the wall and i sat down next to her. she told me that i had to get help and she could not lose her best friend. she said that multiple times. She couldnt lose her best friend. what a crock of shit.

    after that day i couldnt believe that she wanted to be friends with me. after what i put her through i could imagine why. she always told me nothing had changed and we were still best friends

    i told her this in march of 2009. that July she text me and told me that she couldnt handle being friends with anymore.

    she couldnt lose her best friend, then she couldnt handle it, now she hates me and we havent spoke in over a year..

    fuck this
    :i'm sorry:
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    She was too young to deal with the emotions with the fear of losing you
    It is hard for an adult to even deal with let alone someone so fragile
    You need to show her you are willing to get help to get well so you can test her and let her know you are getting well and hope one day your friendship will be again.
    She is too young to understand to cope even if you were best friends it hurt her too much to think you would leave her or even think about it.
    I hope you chose to get well and strong and maybe one day go back and give her some support as well.
    True friendship will always survive somehow take care.
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