And this is why I stopped catching up with old friends

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Everymedhasfailed, Mar 15, 2015.

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  1. Everymedhasfailed

    Everymedhasfailed Active Member

    Looking through my old friends photos has just reminded me of all of the things which I have lost and ruined... I know I am young and I can rebuild, but what is the point when I will most likely ruin it all again... My last two years have been a reclusive nightmare, in which I have battled with drug addiction, failed therapy and failed job interviews. Now I am clean but no medication can lift me out of this depressing mood I find my life encapsulated within.
    For the first time since 2 and a half years ago I have a job, but I can not face going in tomorrow... I am constantly anxious and have panic attaacks daily, but nothing seems to help! I have a mental health assessment on Wednesday and I am hoping that they can sign post me, but my sister has her final court date on Tuesday, as her kids, my neices and nephew, are being put up for adoption... I just hope I make it until Wednesday...
    Thanks for reading, hope you are having a better night than I am...
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2015
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu are winning i know it is hard but good for you for battling your addictions and getting a job I do hope you can talk to your doctor about your anxiety but that too will decrease when you get use to your rountine and the people around you
    I am sorry your sister children are being put up for adoption That cannot be easy for all involved

    You keep reaching out for support for YOU ok take one day at a time
    and know you can always reach out here as well sorry all seems so heavy right now
  3. Vaughan

    Vaughan Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the issues here. I have two phrases that came to mind as I was reading it.

    1) Agent of change.
    2) Every family has an addict.

    I have a past that was a long way from perfect, and it turned me into a man who is/was a long way from perfect. I didn't even know it was an issue, since it was my normal. But somewhere in my core, I knew some of the things I did and thought were wrong. It was those thoughts that eventually won out, and sent me on the path to change things - to change ME. As I'm working on this, I'm discussing it with people around me, some of them fighting their own demons and that have unacceptable norms. I'm trying to be an agent of change, a seed.

    Your family seems to have been through tough times - but maybe YOU can be an agent of change for them? In doing so, you can heal yourself, and perhaps them too.

    The second one I overheard somewhere. And it went BOOM inside me. Like the curtains suddenly parted. Every family has an addict. Wow. Some are addicted to narcotics, some cigarettes, some booze, for some it's just drama. Somehow this brought things into perspective for me, maybe it'll mean something to you too. For me it helped with the guilt at having been horrid in the past.

    I can't help with advice on drug addiction. I've never been down that path. I hope others can offer help here. But try to commit to change - take each day as a challenge. You'll fail some days, perfection won't come overnight. Good luck.
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hope you pulled though. Thinking of you. And congrats on your soberity.

    Sorry about your sister, must be heartbreaking for everyone.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, sorry your anxiety levels are so high, is there anything that helps at all such as meditation, self help, support around you? I know full well what being a recluse is like, I went through it too and with therapy and medication (it can take a while to find the right meds) I got over that aspect of things. I just want to wish you well and tell you to never ever give up on yourself.
    Sorry about your sister, that is awful :hug:
  6. Everymedhasfailed

    Everymedhasfailed Active Member

    Thank you all for your kind words my mental health assesment went well, but the conclusion was reached that my anxiety is not merely anxiety... It is hypervigilance linked to PTSD and I also have no clear sense of who I am, which led my assessor to thinking I may have borderline personality disorder... However my reclusiveness, anxiety and paranoia makes him think it could be avoidant personality disorder with underlying paranoia... I just know that I am a long way from being happy, as they have noticed that my thought patterns are inherently negative. In that I will identify both the positive and negative affects of a situation but dwell and ruminate on the negative affect that every single aspect of my actions could cause...

    I know that I will be well someday, I just hope that someday is not too late... I have found solace in helping others on here, but there are times when it feels like giving help is like banging my head against a brick wall, sending me in a downward spiral... I am currently in a bad (drunk) state and considering self harm, but I know that when I go to sleep and wake up tomorrow I will feel better! I just hope that the dreams dont haunt me like they have the last couple of nights... I threw a punch in my sleep and because I was wrapped up so tightly in my blanket, I almost broke my wrist, waking with a shooting pain in my roght arm...

    Take it easy everyone and know that you are all stronger for the adversities which you face... And not everyone has the courage to share on the internet like you all do! YOU ARE INCREDIBLE!!!
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Take one day at a time ok hun and like i said your words may be more helpful then you know ok hugs
  8. Jericho

    Jericho Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the words, my friend. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Just think about it this way, one day you will look back and realize that you are stronger for being able to overcome all of it. I believe that you can make your way through these tough times. And not just me, either. All of us have faith in you.

    Be safe.
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