anger against family

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by suicidaldude, Dec 2, 2007.

  1. suicidaldude

    suicidaldude New Member

    I have been extremely angry at my family recently, and especially at my mother. And I kinda generalize to all mothers.

    I've been talking to my family about my suicidal thoughts to let them know the reasons and so that they'd feel less guilty if I ended up doing it. And the reaction I had was really negative (of course).

    And I got all this BS about how suicide was selfish, how it would destroy the family, how my mom would never heal and all that sh*t.

    And I'm thinking more and more that I never signed up for this, that she NEVER considered ONCE that she'd be better off not having kids, and that they would have brought it upon themselves if they felt bad.

    After all, why should suicidal people "think twice" about their loved once, and why should women who want to become mothers shouldn't have to ask themselves about the consequences, like "would my child REALLY be happy if he/she was alive? Is the pleasure I'd get from motherhood worth the pain that I would bring on this being?".

    I start considering that birthgiving is probably the most selfish, self-centered thing ANYBODY could ever do.

    And while I hear a lot of people screaming at suicidal people that they should get help, I never heard even ONCE that couples desiring children should think twice, that they should get help, that by their actions they will bring much pain and suffering.

    I am sick of this world's double standard, and I keep thinking about how much better things would be if I'd never been born.
  2. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I completely agree with you there. You've voiced a lot about what I've said about people just having children without thinking as I see it as a huge responsibility that I wouldn't ever want to take. But at the moment I'm starting to live again as I've met someone wonderful and am glad to be alive- but I've gone through periods looking at the suffering my sister and I have gone through, looking at my mother just 'deciding' to have a baby out of whim with an abusive idiot she was with for 10 years and thinking what the fuck was she thinking? And I too have been met with stupid, harmful remarks like I'm 'selfish' for not wanting to be alive and that I should thank God for living in the west..

    I completely hear you here. I've felt a lot like you. I've wanted to scrawl on the walls of the house my anger, especially my mother who thinks child abuse is funny and that every single family is as dysfunctional as ours..

    And I've said to my therapist once, I don't want to kill myself because I know what would happen...everyone would feel sorry for my family, and I don't want to give them that- what I wanted to express wouldn't be heard under all the fake sympathy..which is what happened when my girlfriend's brother hanged himself.

    Glad to hear you letting this out.
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2007
  3. i competely agree with you.
    thats all i can say.
    how come my mom never thought about my happiness before she had me? was it not important?

    everytime my mom yells at me for no reason, tells me to get my "shit" together.. tells me to stop hating everything. and everytime she tells me to stop making everyone miserable, my eyes well up with tears. after 2 minutes i go to my room and sob. and i all i can think of is, "if im such a pain in ur life, why am I even here". i dont get my family sometimes.
    im always made out to be the selfish one. but truth be told, NO ONE does what I do for MY family. how can my family say that im selfish when i sacrifice my relationships w/ closest friends to babysit my cousins from 8 in the morning to 6 at night? how can they say that when i will sit in my aunts house and watch her fight w. her husband. theres so much more that i've done, but i cant write it all here.
    AND im trying to save my baby cousins from they're parents.
    i reallly wanna block out the world.
    i'd rather be dead and at peace, than alive and miserable.