I'm so tired of the anger. It's too powerful an emotion. I've never hit anyone or gotten into a fight. I've always tried to see my way clear through my frustrations. But it's getting harder and harder because I'm so enraged at nearly everything. I feel like I've allowed everyone to push me around all my life and now it's reached it's peak. I do something that my therapist calls "making war". I basically start to imagine a confrontational situation between myself and somebody else. I build on it, imagine myself getting angrier at the other person and them continuing to be a jerk. I imagine myself shouting, screaming, coming to blows, practically killing the asshole. And this wave of energy goes flashing through my head. It's exhausting. Then I slump down and chide myself for wasting so much energy on nothing. Just now I had an imaginary argument with my roommmate and I want to kill the prick! Partly because of the things he does and partly because of things I imagine he'll do. I must be fuckin' nuts! I wish I could sit down and talk with the guy about the problems, about how he never puts dishes in the dishwasher or take out the garbage. NEVER! But he wouldn't listen. He'd turn it around and point out all of my sloppy ways, not even thinking about how, when eats off clean dishes in the morning, I'm the one who did it! I want to reason with him, but all I can picture is me killing him. He never fuckin listens and everything is my fault or my duty. I hate him! Can you imagine the existence of a man as lonely as I am who is actually happy when his roommate isn't around? You'd think I would be happy to have anybody around. This is all just fuckin nutz!