Anger, funerals + trivial shit.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by kindtosnails, Jul 25, 2007.

  1. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    i'm so fucking angry. Still. My parents have decided on cremation. Decided as in it's not open for discussion. So, i made my feelings rather blatantly clear, they pretend to listen then sign the forms anyway. Always the same. i understand some of their reasons, i do. But half of it is just selfishness. i know i'm being selfish, too, but i can't stand the thought, the thought of everything wonderful about her just becoming a pile of dust. i believe her fiance got even less say in the matter than i did.

    i know it shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's not her, i don't know why i'm making an issue of it. Just hate it. i know she's with God now, happy, at peace, i hope, i hope, i hope. i keep asking Him to make sure he takes good care of her, she's my big sister, but i'm not sure He's listening at all.

    i hate being alone, i hate going on, no one should have to listen to this crap, but i'm tired of holding it in, holding it together, just want to let go.
  2. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I empathize with you. :cry:

    It's not trivial shit (please don't dismiss your feelings) and it's not selfish of you. You've every right to feel the way you do.

    Not sure what to say, other than you're heard. You don't have to feel alone.

    Offer's still up if you need to talk :hug:

    She's happy... at peace... He is listening.

    Please take care. I hope things soon work out a bit more in your favor than they seem to be right now.
  3. chinamac

    chinamac New Member

    This is a very tough time for all.

    My Father died three weeks ago today and he wanted to be cremated. I wasn't too sure about it either, but thats what he wanted. It turned out to be surprisingly uplifting. He always said he didn't want anything expensive or a lot of fuss...after all he no longer needed his body. He just wanted us to remember the good times and not to focus on what he left behind. It actually worked out well, although I'm still undecided what I would want when the time comes.

    That said...I'm still having a tough time with the loss of my Father, friend and rock that was the glue for my family.

    My deepest condolences, and best wishes for you to get through these very difficult days, week's, and years with good memories, less sorrows, and greater happiness that your sister and my father are free, and in a better place.
  4. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    Thank you, Rae (again), and chinamac. :hug:

    So sorry for your loss, chinamac.

    Maybe He is listening, just wish it wasn't so bloody one-sided, as always.

    Why can i not stop biting people's head off??! :cry: Why does it have to be so impossibly hard?
  5. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

  6. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    You absolutely reserve the right to feel the way you do. People will get over having their heads bitten off (who'd've thought? walking around headless? but they will deal just fine). You are being taxed; it's taxing. No doubt you'll lash out a few times. It's no one's fault. Your head/thoughts/emotions should level out soon enough.

    There are no "Why?"'s needed. You're handling it as you know how, and you're handling it damned well.

    It's bound to be hard, it's how circumstances such as these often are, but you're being admirably strong. Things will fall into place. They'll be taken care of. You just hang in there.

  7. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    Funeral is tomorrow. Wish i could stop biting people's heads off. i can't find the words to really describe how i feel. It's times like this, when i feel so overwhelmed, defeated, alone that only hurting myself makes sense. Hurting myself doesn't ask questions. Hurting myself doesn't say 'cheer up', doesn't say you can't feel sadness, anger, hurt.
  8. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I know how you mean. :(

    Thinking of you... :hug:
  9. bloodysunday

    bloodysunday Well-Known Member

    I started to type, then thought "No"

    *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*

    Hold your head up high tomorrow and celebrate the many joys you shared with your sister.
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You are in my thoughts. :hug: