i'm so fucking angry. Still. My parents have decided on cremation. Decided as in it's not open for discussion. So, i made my feelings rather blatantly clear, they pretend to listen then sign the forms anyway. Always the same. i understand some of their reasons, i do. But half of it is just selfishness. i know i'm being selfish, too, but i can't stand the thought, the thought of everything wonderful about her just becoming a pile of dust. i believe her fiance got even less say in the matter than i did. i know it shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's not her, i don't know why i'm making an issue of it. Just hate it. i know she's with God now, happy, at peace, i hope, i hope, i hope. i keep asking Him to make sure he takes good care of her, she's my big sister, but i'm not sure He's listening at all. i hate being alone, i hate going on, no one should have to listen to this crap, but i'm tired of holding it in, holding it together, just want to let go.