In August it will be one year since he committed! He was my best friend for 36 years. Initially I was extremely saddened and depressed about the incident but over this last year I have become more and more angry at his actions. I begged him to take his meds but he refused and he left his elderly mother with nobody to care for her. Now, I am angry over what he did. I'm angry at him for not taking his meds. Angry at his mother for not having the police take the unregistered gun away. Angry that he wouldn't reach out. I am not angry because he left me friendless, though maybe subconciously that is part of it. But, has anyone experienced this firsthand or know if this is a normal reaction? I know he was hurting but in many ways I cannot forgive him for what he did to his mother, who lost her husband and daughter the same way. I still cannot go to any restaurants which we went to together or watch any movies which I know he liked. Just thinking about it makes me naseous!