Anger regarding my best friends suicide!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shades, Jul 4, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    In August it will be one year since he committed! He was my best friend for 36

    Initially I was extremely saddened and depressed about the incident but over this last year I have become more and more angry at his actions. I begged him to take his meds but he refused and he left his elderly mother with nobody to care for her.

    Now, I am angry over what he did. I'm angry at him for not taking his meds. Angry at his mother for not having the police take the unregistered gun away. Angry that he wouldn't reach out.

    I am not angry because he left me friendless, though maybe subconciously that is part of it.

    But, has anyone experienced this firsthand or know if this is a normal reaction? I know he was hurting but in many ways I cannot forgive him for what he did to his mother, who lost her husband and daughter the same way.

    I still cannot go to any restaurants which we went to together or watch any movies which I know he liked. Just thinking about it makes me naseous!
  2. Curzon

    Curzon Member

    I know how you feel. My best friend hung himself last may. I remember the very day. He was only 13. It's a normal feeling; just don't worry about it.
  3. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    :hug: I am sorry for your loss

    Yes, anger is an appropriate and common response to suicide. It's okay to feel anger about it. :console:
  4. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that Shades :hug:
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Yes shades the anger is 'normal'...

    suicide leaves all the emotions with the survivors..

    maybe some grief counceling would help you....

    I don't know how his mother could cope after all that tragedy....
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i too angry at my bro at me at everyone a response i guess because there is no way to make sense of what happened angry still at him mostly at me.
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    It's easier to be angry than sad, sometimes.
  8. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Oh, shades I'm so sorry. I'll pray for you. You sound like a FANTASTIC friend and you have a right to be angry. Such a tragic thing. Your in my heart and thoughts.

    Write if you like,

  9. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Thank you all for the has helped greatly!
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Mike,
    Anger is the second step of greif.. It will pass.. I don't remeber the rest of the steps..Sorry..You have every right to be mad..Just do me a favor and don't let it eat away at you.. Your doing so good...Your Friend, Joseph
  11. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    I am late on this, but please know that I feel for you. One thing I learned from the bereavement group is to give yourself time. You do have friends here.
    :hug: :sparkle:
  12. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    Hi Mike..
    Im sorry for your loss :hug:
    I found some information online which you might find helpful..

    The Purpose of Grief
    1. Grief is a process. Although emotionally painful, it allows a person to come to terms with a loss and to heal emotionally (HelpGuide). It is a natural response, not only to the death of a loved one, but also to other losses regarding relationships, jobs, pets, miscarriages, friendships or health. Less significant events (moving, graduation, job change) may also trigger less-intense grief responses. The intensity of grief depends on the significance of the loss. Every person grieves differently. Grief has no rules and follows no timetable. Some people may recover in weeks, whereas others may grieve for years.
    Seven Stages of Grief
    2. A grieving person passes through seven stages ( They may occur in any order, and some stages may occur simultaneously. They are:
    1) shock and denial, an attempt to avoid pain by denying the loss;
    2) pain and guilt, a period of devastating pain and feelings that life is chaotic;
    3) anger and bargaining, including emotional outbursts that can permanently damage relationships and attempts to bargain with a higher power for relief from the emotional pain;
    4) depression and loneliness, or a period of reflection during which the person realizes the full impact of the loss;
    5) upward turn, when the person begins to adjust to the loss;
    6) reconstruction of life without the loved one;
    and 7) acceptance and hope. Acceptance does not imply happiness. Instead, the grieving person can now reminisce about the loved one with sadness, but without intense emotional pain.
    Coping Strategies
    3. Certain coping techniques may help ease the grieving process (HelpGuide). One should tap into family and friends for emotional support, or join a support group. One can also seek help from a grief counselor or religious advisor. Emotions must be faced, and one should resist using alcohol or drugs to suppress feelings ( It is helpful to anticipate difficult milestones such as anniversaries and holidays.
    When to Seek Professional Help
    4. Bereavement takes time and cannot be hurried, but if feelings of grief and depression worsen, one should seek professional help from a grief counselor or therapist (HelpGuide). Thoughts of regret for being alive, blaming oneself for the loss, lacking the ability to trust people or perform daily activities and feeling disconnected from others are signs that one should seek professional help.

    Read more: The 7 Steps to Grieving |

    I read on another site that keeping a journal of some sort can also help..
    Take care.. im here if you would like to talk x
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.