Over the past few days I have been provoking everyones hatred. I seem to get a rush out of everyone looking at me with a personal hatred in their eyes, the people I like to hurt the most are the people that everyone sucks up to because they are social "gods" I dont get a rush when I hurt someone who everyone makes fun of, its probably because the reaction is differint, there is just something so satisfying about everyones angry stares, especialy when i know that i have hurt them, it makes me laugh to see them hurt, I dont know why. I normaly end up feeling bad later even though i still hate thoes people, I just feel bad because its so easy for people to hide behind the walls that society have created to stop true monsters. But because no one knows what a real monster looks like everyone makes me out to be evil, and that, that is what makes me so dam mad. So many have had to go through what I have but I am still judged the same, I can not stand that. People dont understand me they never even took the time to understand me, I understood them though, that is why they make me so mad. Its killing me to have no one who likes me anymore but it even as much as I hate it I can see that there is no such thing as right and wrong so I just have to keep faith in myself and keep destroying myself so that when I finaly hit bottom i will be able to see the truth instead of just leting the masses of people take controol of my emotions, I hate that, im just trying to fix my perception of life but I cant see the differince between right and wrong anymore, but fuck it because im just trying to be me, that way when something happens and everyone follows the leader, like slavery or the hollocoust i cany see that its bull shit and do what "I" would do. I dont expect people to understand what im talking about, ironicaly I just want to know if there are people who understand what I mean and have done or are doing the same thing.