anger

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ODIECOM, Nov 9, 2009.

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  1. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    i saw something in a post tonite that made me wonder.

    i know for a fact that almost everyone that suffers from depression or has the thoughts of suicide or tried it ... have anger.

    for years i dealt with anger issues. when i was 18 and moved out of my parents house, i hated ppl. the booze and drugs followed. it took years to get rid of my anger. what KEEPS your anger inside of you ?
    why do you let it fester and claim so many things in your life ?
    im not challenging, im simply asking your opinion on your OWN anger.
    what i can say from experience, its a whole different world when you dont allow your anger to run your thoughts and ultimately your life.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I was "taught" through years of abuse that I dont have the right to opinions or feelings. So I learned very effectively to bury all such things deep inside. It hurts but I dont know any other way now. It was a defense mechanism or a survival instinct I guess. And now to help insure I dont upset others or draw attention to myself I just continue to hold it in.

    I also have this ability to turn my anger at others into reasonings for their actions being my fault. Dont know if that really makes any sense. But say I get really mad at someone for something they have done to me. For a few short seconds I feel anger. But then fear creeps in cuz I'm not allowed to feel anger. So I soon turn what ever happened (ie someone not calling when they promised they would) into being my fault (maybe I didnt make the time clear enough or some other excuse). Another little trick I picked up over the years of abuse.

    It seems no matter how hard I try to deal with my anger issues, I cant bring myself to face them.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2009
  3. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    as im sorry about your history, that is a perfect answer to the questions.
    i became very negative and defensive. anger was my protection. its like, im gunna hurt you before you hurt me. its a way of getting back at those who hurt you through other ppl or objects.
    getting rid of our anger requires a change of thought. ultimately, we display our hurt to others ... even though they havnt touched us. its fear that creates anger as our protection, because we dont know any other way to deal with a certain situation.
    it took along time to get rid of my anger. ppl would piss me off at the drop of a hat. my reason for anger was ppl. the way SOME of them treated me. the way those that were supposed to love me treated me. it all balled up into one big hatred. anger for me was releasing. releasing the way i was afraid to in the past. its our response to having some amount of control and being able to step aside if need be. we are still afraid. like an abuser .... keep that part in mind. like an abuser, they use anger, intimidation and other tactics to get what they want. to control. to control what they can. most are unable to control or have had no control other than those they torment.
    i had to look inside of me to realize how i was. how i acted. how ppl wanted to be my friend but were afraid to because they never knew what i would do. we toss out friendships before they even happen. the look on our face, the negative responses. the negative conversations and the judgmental mindset you know we have from time to time. it all begins with fear, anger , thoughts and actions.
    i have found that certain ppl i thought were piles of crap, were actually decent ppl. we look for ways to shut down possible friendships through negative thoughts. we end up shutting down a great part of our life because of that.
    it doesnt mean that you will be forever cured, but, you like myself can learn to tolerate. rebuild your thought process. i did. i dont get angry like i used to. oh SOME ppl still piss me off. but, like anything .,. there are parts of the past that will always raise their ugly heads now and then.
    its do able. i guarantee it.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    After going to my therapist i realized with the sadness always comes the anger.
    I wanted to post about this but could't do it I am glad you did I wanted to understand why does anger come everytime the sadness comes. I sometimes feel anger at certain people but mostly at me. I hate me so much Why do i hate this child past why she did nothing wrong yet with sadness comes extreme
    anger I just wanted to know if anyone else experiance this as well. I turn all my anger inwards because i don't want people mad at me so i keep it in. Thanks great post it help me understand that fear has a part of all this to very thought prevoking
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2009
  5. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    the anger that we shed upon ourselves is what makes us hate our selves.
    i think for me i cant ever remember being sad when i was younger. just angry. i didnt blame myself for what others did or said. although ... like you stated you place your anger towards you which again is due to fear. fear of how others will respond. also the possibility of backing down during a confrontation because the fear will set in. we get angry and show it to ppl that are not a threat to us. they just back away.

    tolerance is one way to relieve the anger that we have. once again changing the way we think about the situation. we may never be able to accept confrontation but we dont have to hold it in. we can work past the anger by changing our thoughts. some things we may never be able to change. when we cant change them ... we have to find coping methods.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    for me i was sad so sad fearful some anger at people who just looked on To me anger at me because i was so dam weak and still am at times so afraid to speak out to say what is on my mind. I hate them all for making me feel so dam small so dam insignificant it hurts that someone can just throw anothr human away because they are human and make mistakes reach out where there not to reach out How can someone throw someone so weak and fragile aside and not think twice about it I hate them then and i hate the ones now who think they are better who think they are smarter sorry i understand i have to stop this hate because it only brings me pain. Just doing this i want to scream there is just too much pain.
     
  7. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Personally, despite the years of depression I have suffered, I never had any anger problems. I'm actually really the reverse, it seems the depper I go, the harder to annoy I become. I guess it all goes down to personallity traits, or maybe it's just my fear of displeasing the few friends I still have and making them go away...
     
  8. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Interesting topic, anger. Something I struggle with. Like Violet and Itamhanh, I'm too scared to even feel angry -though I get the flash of it for a few moments, then it either turns against me - as guilt (all my fault, I've done something to make the other person treat me like that) or I get all defensively resentful, gnashing and grizzling and generally feeling totally powerless and helpless and lashing out in a really mean petty way.

    Sometimes though when I connect to feeling genuinely angry, it suddenly turns into pain. So I wonder if for some people at least, the anger is only a cover, a defence against having to feel the pain. Like being physically sensitive so that if someone touches you, even accidentally, you lash out to stop them touching anymore, to protect the hurt.

    Other times I recognize the anger as being good and right, puts me on my side, makes me feel I'm actually ok and not in the wrong at all.

    I'd like very much to feel angry (not to act on it, just to feel it) as ok, fine, nothing wrong with it, instead of having to hide it or control it or talk myself into changing it or rationalizing it away as incorrect or an overreaction or something wrong with me. Only it's the one emotion that is unacceptable in our society, it scares people, and makes them angry and defensive too. Catch-22 really.
     
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