Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Jul 12, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You know recently I have been having flares of suicidal episodes where I will want to die so very badly to the point of almost executing my plan. I will sit down and type notes out. Then I will grab the noose. Then I will just sit there.

    I have noticed that these episodes are more anger based over sadness based. I am angry at a multitude of things. The two primary ones being Z and myself. I am just worried. The more of the episodes I have the more intense the anger. It is only a matter of time before I finally snap and actually do it. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How can I coup?
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    Hey there..

    Maybe identifying exacly what triggers you could help? Working out when and where your more triggered.. then if you see any patterns you can do something about those situations.. or do something differently?
    Sometimes having a huge 'vent' be it online or in person helps..
    I was triggered recently from a comment on here.. it made me so angry.. (i wont go into detail) but i had to vent to someone.. alot! and it did really help.. stopped me from hurting myself in the end.. I also had to do a zillion sit-ups to feel 'calm' again.. but the main thing is i put those two things 'in place' before it happened.. so i knew as soon as i realised how triggered i was.. to do those things.. vent and do some form of exercise.. which works for me..
    Hope that helped a little..

    Take care.. :hug:
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I guess it depends, I was slightly triggered this morning when I did not try and talk to the lady sitting next to me. However, yesterday I do not know what triggered me. I just sort of went off. Even after I exercised I was not feeling too much better. I wanted to rant but all my thoughts began cluttered and disorganized and I could not find the structure needed to make a good vent. Felt like the best thing to do was to blow my brains out. That way the thoughts would be out.
  4. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member


    Try not to worry about a vent being 'structured' in any form.. my vents often make no sense either to me or those who read them.. but just 'getting it out'.. does help..
    What about keeping an 'emotional diary'.. i havent done one myself.. but heard they are a good way of keeping tabs on what makes you happy/sad.. triggers ect.. i guess its all about getting to know yourself better.. so you can help yourself when you need it most.. if that makes sense :unsure:
    :hug: x

  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    An emotional diary? Never really thought about something like that. I have tried to keep diaries in the past. However, I failed because I could barely remember the events of the day and lacked the motivation to write. Then again... maybe it is best for me to try again.
  6. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    I guess there is no harm in trying :)
    Maybe invest in a little pocket book or journal.. something that you can carry around with you..
    Then at certain points during the day just take 5 mins to write how you feel/what has happened.. be it a positive feeling or a negative one.. i should think even just one word every now and then which sums up how you feel would be a start.. Maybe just one word and the time or something?
    Let me know how it goes if you can.. i might do one myself..
    Take care x
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yeah.. I can put the emotions on my phone... I guess I was not really sure what an emotional diary was supposed to be. Maybe this is something I can give to a therapist?

    Thanks :hug:
  8. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    I think thats where the idea came from to be honest .. i have a feeling a therapist /councilor has suggested it to me :unsure: or maybe it was someone from SF.. I have a terrible memory.. lol
    I guess if it works in helping you document what makes you happy/sad.. and highlights what may trigger you .. then yes.. it could be something to show your therapist.. prehaps mention it to him/her.. see what they think..

    I know we havent spoken lots.. but im only a PM away if you ever want to talk .. :hug: x

  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Thanks hun :hug: I always feel like I burden people I PM.
  10. bluefish

    bluefish Well-Known Member

    Never feel like a burden - you can PM me anytime!:biggrin:
  11. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Hey F_M I can relate to this sometimes I get so angry not at other people sometimes I send texts to them because I guess I cannot explain my emotions but I take it out on myself I have no idea why and lash out, have you tried mood stabilisers they could be an option I don't know it was just a thought:unsure: My reasoning is perhaps they could help in the short term while you sort things out in your head anything has to be better and worth a try then killing yourself please know that.

    Take Care

  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Mood stabilizers? Those sound like something I need a therapist to get.

    Thanks, old habits die hard. I have always sort of believed directly asking for help makes me a burden
  13. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Yes and no sorry( I will start talking sense now) right your doctor can prescribe them, but it could be down to your therapist to recommend them, your in America right? Sorry I am in the UK here so not quite sure how it works over there, generally they are used for people with Bi-polar, but are used for depression to where the person has rapid mood changes I found this link here that gives you more information about them, but I think it would be worth bearing in mind, the more options you give yourself the more you have to hopefully stop you harming yourself and that is the main thing right
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yes I figured as much just making sure that was the case. I need to.find a therapist.
  15. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I understand totally what you're saying FM...
    others have good advice here....
    please get a doctor and/or therapist to help you....
  16. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    I agree with the diary. Sometimes I get angry at people, and I usually punch a pillow or do harmless things. Sure episodes aren't natural, but getting angry is. You just need methods to control it.

    On a side note: I miss you ^^ we haven't talked in a while.
  17. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @ASkylitDrive: Yeah I think I am going to try the diary thing again.

    I have not seen you online for a while. I have missed you as well
  18. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    You should never feel like a burden. That's why we're all here, right? I say that but I've felt the same. I'm sure many others have as well.

    I don't have anger issues as in I don't have a history of lashing out. Quite a few years ago I stopped punching and smashing things. I just got tired of getting hurt and replacing things. I do still have a lot of anger, surely much more. Perhaps the diary could prove useful for me too.

    Anybody that may read this can PM me anytime. I don't know how helpful I am but I can be friendly, sometimes.

    Ugh, I keep forgetting to click remember me when I log in. Anger rising.
  19. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I do not have any constructive ways to vent. So I just go on walks and pretend yell at people that kind of helps.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.