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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by black_rose_99, Feb 17, 2011.

  1. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I just have this uncontrollable anger building up inside me for no apparant reason. I'm by myself, all alone, haven't spoken to anyone for a few hours now (since leaving work). All it takes is my mind to run away with itself - to see one comment somewhere, that triggers a thought, and then build a whole story out of it, imagine someone saying something, and then start building an argument, and then, thinking about the argument I get myself riled up. I know I should let it go - having a hypothetical argument inside your own head with someone you barely even talk to isn't exactly a sane thing to do. And yet, once I notice the anger, I'm so far past letting it go that it starts to consume and eat away and the non-existent argument just goes round and round in my head til I almost feel like it would actually happen just so it gets out of my head.

    So I'm playing Spider Solitaire and posting this instead. Distraction?
  2. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    Argh stop stop stop!!!!
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Oh yea I know what your talking about, I can be doing so good and then the next minute Im so angry, my skin is on fire,my heart feels like it will jump out of my chest and I feel as I could just start pulling my hair out.

    Okay this may sound stupid, but when this happens I get by myself and start singing the abcs in my head or I start counting things, it could be anything, spots on walls, lines on floors, anything until I can get my heart rate back down to normal. I also will listen to music, preferably papa roach, eminem, and guns n roses, anything that sounds loud, harsh and mad, I sing along at the top of my lungs (I mostly do this in car).

    And if all else fails I take a pill to calm me down, they mostly make me tired but do get rid of the feeling that I could explode.

    I hope this helps some, and if not then just come here and vent, it also helps to get things off your chest, to get the weight off your shoulders.
  4. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I do exactly the same and it is exhausting!
    I have never ever discussed it with anyone because I think it's more insane than depression - I can understand the roots of the depression but I can't understand why I have these fantasy arguments. They may not be physically real but the feelings are very powerful.
  5. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member


    Thank you both for replying. I eventually fell asleep, although the fictional argument kept resurfacing and making me agitated, so it did take awhile to actually get there!

    Fitzy - I'm so glad you do the same thing - obviously not because it's mental torture, but because someone else out there does it too.
    - I couldn't agree more! Trying to explain that you're having a very real, very tiring argument in your own head - well let's just say people don't understand it.

    doityourself - it doesn't sound stupid, and I am totally open to any ideas that will just get the anger and the fake argument out of my head - I can't do the singing (housemates and very thin walls), but I can try the loud and angry music (have some good ones of that!) and mime the words and pretend I'm singing them, and I can try the counting. Sometimes that works (the singing), and it's a good suggestion. Sometimes I wish I had my car here, but I don't - what used to work in Australia was a nice long drive with loud music and chain-smoking.

    I would have liked to have vented all the frustration out here, but I had trouble putting it into written words (just round in my head words).
  6. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Sometimes its good to just start typing, it may not make sense but you will feel a little lighter after.

    If you cant drive, go for a long walk, put on the headphones and just start walking and go until you cant go anymore (remember to turn around, you have to walk back, lol)

    I argue with myself all the time, the most common is why do I keep doing this to myself, cause its all I know, but Im trying meds, there not working, you have to give them a chance, I dont have the energy to anymore, get off your ass and change things, blah, blah, blah, over and over again. Its a cycle Ive had more than I care to think of.
  7. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I'm scared to walk alone by myself at night - and night is usually when I argue with myself :(

    Actually now you mention the typing thing - I tried that a few months back - it started as something to show a counsellor when I finally got around to seeing one, and literally anything I felt I would just type, whether it made sense or not. i stopped doing that, but it was good at charting my moods and triggers, so I should perhaps start that again.

    I do argue in my head about myself, but I often argue in my head with other people - imagining what they would say and how they'd say it! I'm hopeless at real life arguments - I always forget what I wanted to say in the heat of the moment. But I do have those same types of arguments as you - the why's and no but rememeber to try this, but I have tried this and it's not working, well you have to give it a chance, yeah but....

    It's exhausting!
  8. chrislad

    chrislad Member

    The worst thing is that the other person always seems to win the argument, even though I'm imagining it! It never helps me any but I still bloody do it.
  9. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    Oh Chris, I usually win my fake arguments (but that's coz I have the same argument like, ten times, so odds are you have to win sometimes!) :)
  10. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I always imagine stuff like that in my head. Since I was a very young girl. It is good to know I am not the only one. Thinking about arguments can sometimes be a very healthy way of dealing with anger rather than acting the stuff out.
  11. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    :hug: stuckinchicago, nope not the only one! I think it can be helpful to a certain point - to look over the frustrations and file them in your head better - and if I could do that and be done with it, I would be fine. But the constant repetitions over and over in my head, the same fake argument, the feeling of actually having gone through a physical argument with someone instead of just in your head I think IS unhealthy.
  12. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    oh my oh my, the amount of times i have replayed old arguements, and had different conclusions.
    I am currently the world record holder for who can have arguements in my head.
    Its normally one of three people, outcome pretty much the same, they start it and i finish it.
  13. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I am always in the right in my arguments and I think its coz in real life I often feel so very wrong. Trouble is that being right in my fantasies doesn't improve my self esteem.
  14. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Self-esteem does not come easy when there are years of people and situations wearing us down. Hugssss everybody! :hugtackles:
  15. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    Oh Fitzy, I am so much better in my head arguments than in real life ones - in my head, I know that I am right but I'm also able to see the other person's point of view and change it so they see my side and acknowledge their wrongness. In real life, I shut up and barely speak, so later on that night, after we're apart, I just replay the whole argument - but with a different conclusion (like me myself and I!) each and every time. One where I usually win :) instead of feeling like a loser who can't stand up for herself.

    Stuck - I agree - hugs for all!! :hug: