Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TehAndrew, Oct 9, 2006.

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  1. TehAndrew

    TehAndrew Member

    Funny thing with me is I just had my daily fight with my good for nothing parents and came in my room and cried like a baby.

    I get extremely angry and destructing.. like when people are being jerks to me, or yelling and such. Then after I've done serious dammage I go into my room and cry and hate on myself.

    I'm a christian, so I want to avoid killing myself at all costs... cause its a sin and all?

    well today I thought it was wierd.
    I was praying, begging God to give me permission to kill myself.

    Lots of events leading up to me being 99% misserable have happened over my life, but I'm not here to talk about them.

    I don't cut myself anymore, I've stopped that. But it was one of my only sources of comfort, so I'm having serious coping problems now

    I read a quote on another site that said something like "Suicide happens when the sources of pain exeed the sources of comfort" or something like that

    I guess some my my comfort comes from sleeping.. I sleep about 15 hours every day. Its a serious SERIOUS issue for me

    I have another WONDERFULL source of comfort, but get this. I'm not allowed it most of the time.

    My girlfriend for a year and a half now. She's the one who succesfully got me to stop cutting myself. She makes my whole life worth it, but she lives two hours away.. so I hardly ever get to see her. I'm 16 and finnaly have my license, but my parents won't let me go up to see her..

    Quite honestly, she's the only thing that makes my stupid worthless life bearable.

    Well anyways, the anger thing is something I've realy noticed about myself..

    Extreme anger
    then extreme depression in solotude
  2. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    First off, I have to ask...You seem to believe in God and believe that he answers prayers. Instead of praying for his permission to kill yourself, why not just pray for him to make you less miserable and make you want to live? Makes more sense.

    Second, life sucks when you are 16, pretty much no matter what. At least give yourself until your 18 and can get away from your parents and see how that goes.

    As far as the anger goes, I went through the exact same thing. I would be picked on in school and bottle it all in, then when I got home I would go on a rampage in my room. I would throw anything I could pick up, I would stab the walls, I even ripped off my bathroom door and broke a window one time. I smashed lamps and anything else that would break. After doing this I would cry my eyes out and feel guilty and ashamed of what I had done.

    After highschool this behavior stopped. I don't know if I just outgrew it, but I guess it was because I wasn't being tormented everyday at school anymore. I still have spurts when I get mad and slam something, maybe even throw something, but I very seldom do it anymore, and they aren't like the rampages I use to go on.

    I suppose if you really want to overcome it, you need to get into therapy...probably involve your parents in it as well, as you sound like you have some family issues to work out. Therapy, either with your parents or alone, would probably be your best bet. If therapy is out of the question then try talking to your parents about how you feel, or a member of you church, a friends, or your girlfriend when you get a chance, maybe it will help.
  3. TehAndrew

    TehAndrew Member

    Lol, well I dunno, I just thought it was wierd how I was randomly praying for permission. I don't really want to, I really dont. I found this forum when I was looking for ways to feel less depressed. That with the mix of anger is my issue right now. Maybe your right, I might out grow it.. but I hate it right now. It ruins my relationship with my family. Its not ALL my fault, but part is. "takes two to tango"

    I hav'nt been suicidal in two years, but I've been sleeping 20 hours a day. I've been trying to figure out why, and the answer is "why bother"..

    That's when I was deeply depressed, and needed help. My stupid piano teacher called when i was crying like a baby about it, and i tried to talk, but ended up hanging up cause i had that whiney voice, haha

    I don't know, I see depression as a individual issue. Only person that can cure me is myself, but im trying to figure out "how"..

    For years ive just been "go with the flow" and its worked out fine, but i have a pretty bad home life (who doesnt) so its built up and built up til i cant take it anymore, and just scream my way out of any arguements..

    my parents really didnt give a s*** about me for a while cause i was such a pain in the ass. i told my mom i was going to kill myself once, and she went and got my dads gun and gave it to me. Told me "Do the world a favor and do it."

    I kinda saw that as a sign that there will only be a few people in a humans life that will actually care about them beyond the skin. That's one reason im thankful for my girlfriend.

    and, i HAVE prayed to feel better, but I believe that God will only work miracles when has absolutely HAS to. thats where "faith" comes in.

    well yeah xD

    Replies please:O
  4. MariaM

    MariaM Guest


    You are so young.
    Sometimes parents and kids have that kind of problems. I´m sure your parents what to lead your way because they think they know what´s the best for you... and you want to do things you´re own way. And what we have? Conflict.
    You can´t think that they mean exactly what they say when you´re arguing. I say so many things i don´t mean when i´m angry.

    You have car at 16? I find USA a very funny country...
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